Friday, December 29, 2006

Added Links

I have added links (look to the right panel for links ------->) for a couple of sites I frequent pretty often. One is Pearls before Swine, a strip I reference periodically in my blog. It's main characters are a stupid pig and an obnoxious rat. Its probably the funniest comic strip ever written and appeals particularly to people with sick senses of humor like myself. You can learn more about the strip and their characters on Wikipedia.

The other is the insider's blog for the Dixie Chicks. The author Junichi is a professor at UC San Diego and began travelling with the Dixie Chicks at the beginning of their Accidents & Accusations tour. Lots of good insider info and candid pictures of the band.

Enjoy and Shabbat Shalom and Happy New Year. I will be ringing it in at Sharon's happening pad. Drink Wisely!

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Those Kids!

IMDB linked to a really cute column on MSNBC about child actors. The jist was how Dakota Fanning will one day take over the world but seeing some of the less fortunate ones (oy, the kid from Jerry Maguire. Puberty is NOT agreeing with him) was utterly hysterical. Check it out.

Tuesday, December 26, 2006

I'm an Elf

For a good giggle, click here!

Aliyah group to hit 10,000

JTA- Nefesh B’Nefesh is set to bring its 10,000th immigrant to Israel this week.
The group announced that Simcha Gluck will arrive Wednesday, along with his wife Rachel.
Founded in 2001 to help facilitate aliyah from North America, NBN works in close cooperation with the Jewish Agency for Israel.

Tuesday’s flight will bring 220 new immigrants from North America.

Congrats to all the Olim who have taken advantage of this wonderful program and yasher koach to all the donors who made this possible.

Monday, December 25, 2006


I just saw Dreamgirls. This film will knock your socks off. Bravo Jennifer Hudson! You do NOT need Idol to make you a star! I swear, I have never in my life seen a standing ovation at a movie. You outperformed your Oscar and Grammy winning co-stars 100 times over. Hell, if Marisa Tomei could win a Best Supporting Oscar, they can start engraving your name on yours right now. Go see this movie.

Tuesday, December 19, 2006


My dad had his office holiday party Sunday. Every year his employees collect money to buy him a Chanukah gift. My dad happens to be one of the nicer bosses in the world so the gifts are generally quite nice. This year when my dad opened his gift, my mom appropriately exclaimed, "Oh my God, Susanne is going to shit bricks". Funnily enough, I don't think I've ever heard my mom use that phrase.

For those of you that do not know, my brother bought my mom and dad a few years ago a tiny little purebread maltese puppy whom they named Snoopy (seen above looking all innocent). Snoopy HATES me. Although we've only met a couple times, Snoopy obviously sensed the sibling rivalry that my being there brought on. And he was pissed. When I was home last year for Pesach he figured out which room I was sleeping in (I don't know how, he must have had spies) and stationed himself outside my door barking and scratching in the middle of the night. He probably thought that when I left a week later he earned a victory after causing me severe insomnia for several nights straight. My parents of course are blinded by this harrassment and are insulted when I speak affectionately of my brother Alan's maltese Giovanni (who happens to be the best dog in the entire world) instead of their Snoopy. Besides, I'm not the only casualty of his harassment. Our cat Bailey is terrorized by Snoopy even though hes 5 times Snoopy's size.

So by now you're wondering what the present was that my dad got. So here goes: They got him a gift certificate to have his portrait painted with Snoopy. Hell, I was never in any family portraits excluding formal cruise pictures and from Bar/Bat Mitzvahs. I asked my mom why we couldn't use this gift for the whole family to have a portrait made but she claims this artist's specialty is dogs. Nebbach, even Bailey is going to get screwed out of this one. At least Giovanni will be included. Hey, who could leave the world's most lovable dog out of their picture?

Like any other empty nesters, my parents spoiled this little puppy like there was no tomorrow. Toys, outfits, you name it. My dad brings him along when he accompanies my mom to Costco where he sits outside people watching. My dad says Snoopy's a "chick magnet". Maybe I'm just jealous that I'm the baby of the family and I'm not used to them doting over someone who isn't me. Well, unless you count forgetting my birthday one year so we could go to one of Alan's football games, or the time I injured myself but dad wouldn't take me to the hospital because we'd miss another of Alan's games (that one left a scar, I'll show you sometime). Anyway, what really matters is that this little 5 pound dog makes my mom and dad really happy. In fact all vacation my dad commented how much he missed Snoopy (lets all forget he was spending two weeks with his only daughter that he never gets to see). And what makes them happy makes me happy. In fact, I even got Snoopy a Chanukah gift. Is that something a woman scorned would do? I think not. I love you guys and your little dog too! Happy Chanukah!

Saturday, December 16, 2006

Chanukah Miracle

Well Chanukah is based on the miracles during the time of the Maccabbees. I got a call after Shabbos from my family telling me about my cousin. This certainly is a miraculous story. My cousin Mark and his wife were awoken by their older daughter coughing in the next room. They decided to take the baby out of her crib so she wouldn't be awoken by her big sister. Minutes later the major storm in Seattle sent a tree crashing through the window and into the crib where the baby had just been. Baruch Hashem both kids are okay. The older girl who was still in the room has minor scratches.

This would have been the perfect Chanukah story except my cousin also added, "We don't have any family in the area," said Mark Steiner, who has worked at Seattle's iconic DVD and video store Scarecrow Video for decades. "I just hope to figure out how to still make this a good Christmas for the kids in spite of this." Any other nice Jewish boy couldn't have said it better. Thank God your family is okay and I hope you, your family, and everyone else have a Happy, Healthy Holiday Season!

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

I f-ing hate the National Inquirer

I hate the National Inquirer. They published a story today that the Dixie Chicks are breaking up. If you have like ever read my blog, you'd know that they are my favorite music group ever. They say in their documentary that if the stress from their backlash gets too harsh they wouldn't hold it against one another if any of them want to call it quits. I know, you are probably thinking, Susanne, its a tabloid, its not true. But who knows. Usually they are wrong and completely fabricated stories. But sometimes they are based on truth. The Dixie Chicks were recently nominated for 5 Grammy awards including the two biggies, Album and Song of the Year. This is no time to give up! Their music speaks to millions of people, thats why they were nominated. We need them!

Least favorite fashion trends #1

New segment of my blog. As I walk down 34th street lately, I see no Miracles. No, I see ugly clothes. Okay, let me rephrase, trendy clothes that I hate. I have two unfavorites currently.

Exhibit A) Those wool pants that stop at the knee. Who are we kidding people? Those are just glorified culottes. And those are soooo not cool. My mom made me wear those until the sixth grade when I'd get heckled by my classmates. Whats their utility? They're pantlike. But I wouldn't wear them in the bitter cold because they are practically shorts. Its just beyond me.

Exhibit B) Those long shirts that people are wearing as dresses. The only thing long shirts should be used for are pajamas. Not club hopping.

P.S. Still working on my vacation post. Sorry for the delay. Alot happened and I don't wanna miss a detail!

Note to Lindsay Lohan

Why be an alcoholic when you have access to heroin?

Saturday, November 25, 2006


Vacay Day has arrived folks which means I will be leaving you my loyal readers to fend for yourselves over the next couple weeks. If you are desperately bored without me feel free to visit but once you're hooked, I don't want you to come complaining to me (Blog post about that site is coming as soon as I'm back from trip). As you know, I am going on a cruise tomorrow with my mom and dad. They've been in town since Friday night and so far so good. We had a lovely Shabbos lunch today with a ridiculously amazing chulent made by yours truly, although my parent's won't stop talking about ZK's amazing salad or RS's kugel. Thanks Mom and Dad. We saw a cute Off-Broadway show tonight called A Jew Grows in Brooklyn. Very cute one man show with very few dried eyes when the lights came up. Then we headed to J2 (I know RS, I tried to talk them out of it, yech!) where it seemed every Jew from Brooklyn was in attendance. So far my fam hasn't made me too nuts but being on a ship for 11 days with them is another story. Our itinerary is as follows:

Sun New York City
Mon At Sea
Tue Great Stirrup Cay (Private island baby! Sweet!)
Wed At Sea
Thu Cozumel, Mexico
Fri Belize City, Belize
Sat Roatan, Honduras
Sun Grand Cayman Islands
Mon Ocho Rios, Jamaica
Tue At Sea
Wed At Sea
Thu New York City

I will most likely have little or no access to a computer until I return so be sure to comment a lot to show me your love. I'll be thinking of y'all as I lay in a hammock sipping pina colada from a coconut. Oh wait, no I won't I'll be thinking about... nothing. Peace!

Monday, November 20, 2006

Two weddings in one day...? Priceless

Boy am I tired. I haven't had a wedding to go to in 6 months, then yesterday I had two. Its not the most unusual thing. I am a social butterfly and associate with many different groups of people. So I got invites a couple months ago from two peeps from my hood.

One was Chulent Champion Emily and her fiance Aviel the Aussie.
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The other was my friend from the hood and college basketball teammate Jenny and her dude David.
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What would have helped the situation would have been for the wedding start times to be a little further apart. Unfortunately, one was called for 1 the other for 2. And the weddings were in two separate states. So me and the 2 other overlapping guests decided last month to look for a car (we are all non-New Yorkers) to speedily transport us from one chuppah to the next. A fortunate mistake found us a car. I emailed my two companions Sho D and Josh G about the car dilemma and mistakenly sent the email to the wrong Josh G. Wrong Josh G offered his car for our mitzvah doing adventure. He's a true Mitzvah Boy!

My crazy Sunday began Saturday night when Sho D and Lans and I attended a stand-up show from one of our fave Frat Boy comedians Aaron Karo!

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Since we were all looking hot they put us at the table directly in front of the mic. It was awesome! Got home at 2:30 was supposed to drive the Wrong Josh G to the airport at 5 in exchange for use of the car but miraculously RS offered to awaken before dawn to drive him herself. God Bless her!

The first wedding we attended was Emily's in West Orange, NJ. It took a while to get there since the Jets were playing at home and the highway was backed up with tailgaters. We made it there in time to sample the mashed potato bar that Emily had been raving about at her shower. The chuppah was awesome and the happy couple looked very happy. Something I loved was that Emily was praying throughout the chuppah. Shes a very spiritual girl and its known that the bride and groom at their wedding have an almost unmatchable connection to Hashem. She was taking advantage of every second. Hopefully she put in a good word for me!

We rushed after the chuppah to the second wedding in Queens, NY. Susan, our GPS Chinese lady, kept trying to give us the wrong directions, but we could not be swayed. We got to the second wedding in record time and even made it for the chuppah! Another beautiful chuppah and it was time to get down! We danced like a bunch of nuts, pulled off some crazy shtick, and organized dances, which as always, I took no part in. I'm not an organized dance person. I just like to jump around like a crazy person. I brought our old basketball jerseys and a ball and our third teammate in attendance, the crazy Stoner SW, and I threw the ball around and Jenny spun it on her finger like a pro. Quite the feat in a wedding gown. I overheard some of the other ladies saying how amazed they were by Jenny's spinning skills.

As a special performance at Jenny's wedding, David's friends put together a very elaborate shtick dance to the song Jenny/867-5309. Considering white men can't dance, and Jewish white men are hopeless, they did a pretty great job. Hell, lets let you be the judge!
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And the ultimate:

Anyhoo, all in all it was a tiring, yet extremely fulfilling weekend! I wouldn't recommend trying to attend two in a day, but it certainly is a lot of segulah wine and brachos from kallahs! Good times. With all this going for me, I just might be off the market soon! ;)

Thursday, November 16, 2006

Former Headline #3, Current Headline #4

I decided its funner to let you all know when I add a new MySpace headline to my site. That way the story behing it is fresh in my head.

Former Headline #3
Spatula! I've got two words for you: BE HAVE!

Tamar's buddy Leila was recently on the subway and she encountered two African American ladies surrounded by many little children. One of the kids began to act up and one of the ladies screamed, "Spatula! I've got two words for you: BE HAVE!" Apparently, Spatula was the child's name. I wonder how Spatula's parents came to their decision to name him (or her, who knows?) that? Maybe he (or she) was conceived following a morning of delicious pancakes. Who am I to make judgements? I know a girl named Chaya Mushka, and until she was 16 (and a foot taller than me) we called her the affectionate nickname Mushy Tushy. Now that kid's gonna have problems. And apparently, I've been spelling behave as one word for all these years. I really should have paid more attention in 3rd grade English. Oh well.

Current Headline #4

This is like a party game....for mean people.

I went to an incredible play last night on Broadway with my friend ER. Its called Little Dog Laughed and stars Tom Everett Scott (from That Thing You Do! and Abby's brother on ER), Karen White (some TV and bit roles), Johnny Galecki (David on "Roseanne") and Ari Graynor (supporting rold on "The Sopranos"). Tom plays an in the closet movie star who starts a relationship with Johnny's bi call boy character. Karen is his manager who I swear is channeling Karen Walker from Will & Grace. Ari is Johnny's party girl girlfriend. I was blown away by the amazing acting. Brief male nudity which we weren't expecting, but all in all a high quality theater going experience. This comment was made while Karen was in one of her high energy monologues explaining to the other characters exactly how they were going to handle a certain predicamant and someone interjected "This is like a party game....for mean people." I was cracking up. Another wonderful line was when Ari was explaining to Johnny how her day went, stopped herself and said "Wait a second, why and I telling this story in chronological order instead of in order of importance". I am so going to use that line. Go see this play! I can get you $30 tickets if you'd like. Let me know!

Only you can prevent forest fires

My office is predominately female. There are approximately 16 women, and 5 men. So our ladie's room gets pretty disgusting. Someone had the idea to leave a box of matches in the bathroom. Instead of spraying air freshener, some people prefer lighting a match. Why does lighting a match get rid of "bathroom odors" you may ask? According to the AskYahoo site "When a match is struck, it produces sulfur dioxide, a "very pungent substance, to which the smell receptors are extremely sensitive." MadSci explains, "You can smell a minute amount of sulfur dioxide, but when you have done so, you will not smell anything else for a while." Interesting. But in a bathroom where some people are lighting matches and some are spraying air freshener....all I smell is a forest fire. And I just know, I'll be the one sitting there when the fire sprinkler gets fed up and decides to turn on. Lucky me.

Monday, November 13, 2006

Luke Johnson's Phone Experiment

This story was sent to me by my friend Drew who I've known since I was little and who's a buddy of Lukes (Luke is actually wearing the shirt of my friend Drew's band). This dude posted his phone number on the internet and asked people to call as soon as they saw his video. He's already gotten thousands of calls. Give him a ring: (602)435-3694.

Iron Chef Party

My buddies Miriam, Anna, and Arona invited me to their apartment last night for an Iron Chef party. Iron Chef is an awesome show! Without cable in Manhattan you do not have television reception. But luckily, many buildings in New York have access to free basic cable (i.e. a cable cord sticking out of the wall that you affix to your TV and voila!). Basically, when you have basic cable service in the city, you get like 3 bonus channels to the normal ABC, CBS, NBC options. You get TBS, TNT, and the Food Network. That basically translates to mean that at any time of day you can choose to watch a Jim Carrey movie on TBS, a Law & Order rerun on TNT, or Iron Chef on the Food Network. To be perfectly honest with you, what more in life do you need?

Iron Chef originated in Japan which was the best best show. Reason being: subtitles. Subtitles in kung-fu? Awesome! Subtitles on chef competition? Priceless!

The premise of the show is that it begins with the "Chairman" who comes out and announces the contest's main ingredient. It is then the competitors' job to make several different dishes containing that key ingredient, from appetizers, salads, entrees, desserts, and more. Then the Iron Chef competes against one of their challengers to see who can prepare the best meal and are judged in terms of creativity, plating (display), and taste. The best contest I ever saw was the eel episode. One of the chef's even made eel ice cream! Yum! The evening's winner takes home all the glory!

So my friends love the show. They decided to have an Iron Chef party making several dishes from one key ingredient. Last night they chose mushrooms! I couldn't have been more happy! They made for the guests mushroom barley soup, mushroom pizza, mushroom spinach pasta, mushroom pizza, mushroom onion phylo thingys, and baked portobello mushroom tomato pizzas. Everything was bellisimo! Arona doesn't eat mushrooms. She must not have been part of the ingredient discussion. We didn't have any mushroom dessert ideas unfortunately. I suggested shroom brownies, but alas, the idea was nixed. :)

The hosts also wore hats (made for the occasion by YI) that noted which was the "Iron Chef" and which were the sous (not soux or sioux) chefs for the evening. Everything was delicious and I'm hoping we can repeat the festive evening!

We followed the meal with a special episode of "Iron Chef America" featuring Giada De Laurentiis paired up with Iron Chef Bobby Flay and Rachael Ray with Iron Chef Mario Battali. Usually its just one Iron Chef versus one challenger. The main ingredient was cranberries and surprisingly, no one chose to make cranberry crunch, a staple in the Jewish community. That and the cranberry jelly from a can dish. Yum all the way. The yummiest looking this was the cranberry glazed shrimp wrapped in thinly sliced porcetta (pig). Why are all the best things treif? God is always testing us! Oy. The winners were Rachael Ray and Mario. Although, the real winners were those who got to sample the delicacies. Luucckkkyy...

Saturday, November 11, 2006

Props for Martha

I just want to send props to Martha Stewart for being a good sport with Borat on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno. This scene is hysterical!

More on Borat once I've seen the movie!

Friday, November 10, 2006

16 days and counting...

16 days until my vacation. I'm going on a cruise with my mom and dad. Sounds lame I know. Not to be morbid or anything, but my parents aren't spring chickens anymore, and who knows how many opportunities like this we'll have to spend time together. We already live 3,000 miles apart (a safe distance for my sanity) so whats the harm in spending a couple weeks getting hugs and having them buy me stuff? I challenge all of you to call your parents and/or someone you love today and tell them how much they mean to you. Do it. It'll make you feel really good. Shabbat Shalom!

Also, 8 days til Karo!

Read this

My brother Alan sent the following bulletin to all of his MySpace friends:

Read this...
My sisters blog, she may be one of the funniest blog writers about everyday life bullshit of our time...... I never knew she was funny when we were growing up. Read her rants on fruit venders, politics, country music and being a jew....


Ohhhhh Alan. How sweet of you. And for all these years you led me to believe you didn't read anything at all. Except for Cliff Notes. And the Playboys that you and Scott used to make me steal from Dad. You claimed at the time that those were for the articles, right? At the time, I never understood why a 13 year old boy was interested in reading 20 Questions with Abe Vigoda. Now I understand.

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Midterm Midtacular!

Since everyones been waiting with baited breathe for my post-election post I thought I'd get to it. Actually no one has inquired about the post, probably because all my peeps are conservatives and they know I'm intelligent, therefore, I am a liberal. You couldn't ask for a more exiting election night. Unless you count 2004 when the major networks awarded John Kerry the victory before changing their minds and turning the landslide victory over to President Bush. Oh, right, and then there was that time in 2000 when the networks awarded the state of Florida (and the Presidency) to Vice President Gore, but then reworked the data and found Mr. Bush to be the victor. In 2000 and 2004 I couldn't tear myself away from NBC, which featured Tim Russert and his whiteboard, earlier than 3 AM. Last night the best coverage belonged to CNN. Anderson Cooper is sooo dreamy. He kept me up until 1:30.

Last night I also campaigned for Civil Court nominee Shari Michels. Shari grew up in Washington Heights, and actually made an effort to reach out to the Jewish community in the neighborhood. She even stopped by a Saturday night event at Mt. Sinai and danced with us on Simchas Torah. What I liked best about her was when I invited her to dance with us, she just said "Hi, I'm Shari", not "I'm Shari, running for Civil Court Judge". I thought that was cool and knew that was somebody I'd vote for. Turns out she had a long history in the Jewish community and my friend Rochie's family was close with the Michels. So Rochie and I volunteered to help distribute flyers and stuff at a polling station in the neighborhood. The highlight of my evening was when a big, burly guy in his twenties was walking by and I asked if he'd voted yet. He said no. So I reminded him that polls closed in under an hour and he turned right around and walked across the street to the polling station, after of course I handed him information about my candidate. He came walking out 10 minutes later and when I thanked him for voting he had a big smile of his face. Might have been his first time to vote.

So we all know by now that the Democratic party has (finally) reclaimed the House and needed to win 3 of 4 close Senate races to steal the Senate as well. So far it looks like the Dems have safely taken 2 seats in Missouri (yay, stem cell research!) and Montana (yay, dude from Mr. Tester's campaign who followed around Senator Burns, and caught him sounding like an idiot on camera and then posting the videos on YouTube for me to laugh and laugh) with the race in Virginia too close to call. Come on people! In 2000 you called the race in Florida for Gore at like 10 pm. Now we've got a candidate like 7,000 votes ahead and we are going to wait it out? Seriously?! As my friend AG just asked, "do you think we'll ever again have another election without a formal recount?"

Virginia is an interesting race. George Allen has big-mouth syndrome. Here's a dude who could have sat on his couch watching Family Guy reruns and eating Cheetos for the past sixth months and would have cruised to victory. Instead, he has insulted Indian Americans, African Americans, and Jews. When he discoved his geneology includes a long line of successful Jews, he boasted about the ham sandwich he had for lunch and how great his mom's pork chops are. What a schmuck!. A friend I knew in high school sent out an email saying his father went to high school and was a football teammate of Senator Allen and he used racial epiphets (including the N word) often and without hesitation. He opened his big mouth and now may very well have lost his job and it seems handed the Senate to the Democrats on a silver platter. For that, George, I thank you.

President Bush today had a press conference at 1 pm to discuss the election aftermath and commented on his disappointment. The reporters did not let him off easy. My favorite part was this exchange between the reporter Rutenberg and the Prez:

Q I wanted to ask you about the thumpin' you took at yesterday's rodeo. You said you were disappointed, you were surprised --

THE PRESIDENT: There you go. Rutenberg, you notice that? Taking one --

Q And that was thumpin' without a "g," correct? I just want to make sure we have it right for the transcript. (Laughter.) You said you were surprised, you didn't see it coming, you were disappointed in the outcome. Does that indicate that after six years in the Oval Office, you're out of touch with America for something like this kind of wave to come and you not expect it? And on a somewhat related note, does Nancy Pelosi look much like Bob Bullock to you?

THE PRESIDENT: (Laughter.) That's an inside joke, I'm not commenting on it.

Secondly, I'm an optimistic person, is what I am. And I knew we were going to lose seats, I just didn't know how many.

Q How could you not know that and not be out of touch?

THE PRESIDENT: You didn't know it, either.

Q A lot of polls showed it.

THE PRESIDENT: Well, there was a -- I read those same polls, and I believe that -- I thought when it was all said and done, the American people would understand the importance of taxes and the importance of security. But the people have spoken, and now it's time for us to move on.

Aaahhh, Rutenberg, now you sir deserve a Metal of Honor.

By the way, Shari won.

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

You gotta have Faith

You gotta have Faith. But not all the time. Last night was the 40th Annual CMA awards on ABC. I saw Faith Hill in concert. But only because she "opened" for my favorite singer, her husband, Tim McGraw. She was nominated for best female vocalist last night against Sara Evans (who recently quit Dancing with the Stars after discovering her husband's infidelities), Martina McBride, Gretchen Wilson, and Carrie Underwood. Faith was backstage at the time of the award, having just finished her performance at the show. I don't know what happened, maybe she was unable to hear the announcement from the presenters, but when Carrie Underwood's name was announced for the win, you could see Faith Hill throw up her arms in triumph, and then, her face contorts into an angry expression screaming "WHAT!" into the camera. Listen, Faith, let me give you a tip. When you left the country genre to pursue pop you lost your ability to win this award. Country fan are pissed off at you. Ever since illegal downloading became so readily available I stopped buying CDs. That is with the exception of anything your husband puts out, Kenny Chesney, and you. But then I bought your "Cry" album and raced through it to find a song that sounded even remotely like anything off of your "Take Me As I Am" album. There was nothing but pop music. I didn't buy your next album. To add insult to embarrassment, your exclamation last night is not going to help you reclaim your old fans. And as if you had a chance in that category. Gretchen Wilson is the best country singer in my mind right now. And Carrie Underwood is the hottest. So Carrie took home the prize. But not before this Good Samaritan who TiVoed the event put Faith's outburst in Slo-Mo. Check it out:


CNN finally got wind of this story and Faith and her publicist are both denying that she was angry when her name wasn't announced. She's trying to say it was all in good fun. She's gone kooky.

Saturday, October 28, 2006

Thank You NBC!

You guys are last place in the ratings, okay, higher than the CW but thats like a fake network, but I just wanted to thank you for providing my Dixie Chicks with all this FREE publicity. NBC declined to run ads for the Dixie Chicks brand new documentary Shut Up and Sing. In doing so it has gotten the doc more attention than any 30 second spot could ever have provided. All the bloggers out there have been up in arms about the movie. Of course none of them have actually seen it yet but are still basing their rants about the "incident" of three years ago when the lead singer said she is ashamed the President is from Texas. Since then they have practicallly been "blacklisted" from country radio and bad mouthed by everyone with an unclear interpretation of the first amendment. This week, according to the Washington Post 60% of people surveyed disapprove of the job our President is doing for our country. Love them or hate them, go see the documentary. Hear what they have to say. 60% of the country agrees with them so I don't think they are so outlandish. I don't think these 3 mothers (with 7 kids between them) deserve to get death threats for the things I say every day. I hear people all the time saying how much they hate Hillary Clinton. Shes a United States Senator. Certainly an honorable position. Why the double standard? When I hear people bad mouthing her, do I write them a letter saying shut up or I'll kill you? Hell no! They have as much of a right to say that as I have to criticize any of our elected leaders. If you choose to live in our glorious free country you're going to have to accept what freedom truly means. If nothing else, I admire the Chicks for that. Thank you!

P.S. My cellphone dried out and seems to be in working order. Whatever you do, do not drop yours into the toilet. It is not fun to deal with. Also, advice from my buddy JG, avoid dropping your yarmalke in the toilet. He says that sucks too.

Friday, October 27, 2006

Phone in Toilet

I just droped my phone in the toilet. Its not working right now. More on that to follow...

Former Headline #2

"Were you just gesturing to me when you said Kwanzaa?!"

This was a line from the awesome show Ugly Betty. America Ferrera plays Betty and I loved her in Real Women Have Curves. Rent it!

No more complaining about crowded dance floors...

I've been to weddings with several hundred people and crowded dance floors where women in high heels are stepping all over my already sore feet. I will complain no more. This past week there were two major weddings in the Satmar community each with what looks like 10s of thousands of people. No joke. Take a look.

Thursday, October 26, 2006


Who the hell put me on the Newt Gingrich email list? When I track you down I'm going to add you to my Hillary Clinton Fan Club mailing!

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

It ain't for real til its on Shmais

It ain't over til the fat lady sings, and for me, the Jewish gossip mill is just gossip until it appears on Shmais. Shmais is what I see as a Chabad gossip site. Not using the word gossip in a bad way, but in the sense that it "Keeps Lubavitchers Informed" as they say. I stay abreast of Chabad going ons and news from across the Judaic spectrum. How else would I find out if my Chabad friends have gotten engaged/had a baby/gone on shluchas?

I heard earlier this week (from blog competitor Lans) that Duncan Hines, after massive pressure, has decided to revert back to having their cake mixes be kosher pareve. Pareve food can be eaten with either a meat or a dairy meal. When word first circulated last year that DH was to add milk to their recipe to in their words "enhance the quality of the product", I said phooeeyy. Well not right away...only after I saw a post about it on Shmais. They would lose a huge market of kosher households (a multi-multi-million dollar market today) who depended on their product, not to mention those crazy lactose intolerant Americans. Frankly, I see those two groups as being synonomous, but thats just me. Literally, I'm a kosher household and an extreme Lactard. I personally must have submitted a hundred angry emails to the Pinnacle Foods (owner of Duncan Hines) customer service department. Thank goodness the company has seen the light and brought back their old recipe. Thank goodness we can go back to our quick and easy dessert options of years past. Thank goodness I bought out the entire last shipment of pareve cake mixes from the Fairway on 76th and Broadway, which by the way are still piled up in my pantry. Oh wait, strike the last one. Crap, thats annoying. Read on:

COMING SOON: THE RETURN OF DUNCAN HINES PAREVE CAKE MIXES has learned that the Duncan Hines company has reversed a decision made in 2005 that made their cakes mixes dairy and very soon OU Pareve Duncan Hines cake mixes will be back on store shelves nationwide.
Pareve production began in September and Duncan Hines has begun shipping product to stores. It should be in most locations by November and December, the company says. Consumers are urged to make sure the product does in fact have an OU Pareve on the box before purchasing as it might take longer for some stores to get in the new shipment.

Duncan Hines offers a wide variety of the pareve cake mixes, more than any other brand. Twelve of 18 Moist Deluxe flavors, representing more than 80 percent of sales, are being returned to pareve. These are: Moist Deluxe Classic Yellow, the best selling cake mix in the country, Devil's Food, Lemon Supreme, Butter Recipe Golden, Swiss Chocolate, Spice, Fudge Marble, Pineapple Supreme, Butter Recipe Fudge, German Chocolate, Red Velvet and Dark Chocolate Fudge.

Chabad Houses and Kosher consumers across the country that stocked up on the pareve mixes before they turned dairy can now rest assured that when their current stash runs out there will be replacments available.
(NEWS TIP: Zalman Goldstein)

How to Save a Life

So everyone has now heard the song by the Fray. I first heard it in the summer when I saw the music video on YouTube interjected with clips from the third season of Grey's Anatomy...and I immediately fell in love. The music was perfectly mixed in with the chosen clips. But then came time for me to look up the lyrics on Letssingit. The lyrics are ridiculous. Let's go through some of the brilliant rhymes they came up with. with talk. Oh and right with right. Oh, and then theres best with best. And then they really start using their creativity: same and came. Hoo boy! Such Masterful Lyricists! Its kinda like when we were in sixth grade English and the teacher would make us write a poem and all we knew how to do was rhyme words together not knowing that poem can be written without a rhyme. Now don't get me wrong, I still love the song and get excited when I hear it on the radio or I hear it on my iPOD. But, Seriously?!

How to Save a Life- The Fray
Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it’s just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
And you begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you’ve told him all along
And pray to God he hears you

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you’ve followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he’ll say he’s just not the same
And you’ll begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Toddler gets stuck in vending machine...

Now this is a news story! On that note 13 people are killed each year by falling vending machines. That is because some lame ass wants a free Snickers bar or stuffed Spongebob and lies on the floor shoving his arm into the machine. Of course the machine shakes and falls on top of him. 13 people a year die in this fashion. Thats more people than die of shark attacks. I give this kid huge props for not killing himself.

Monday, October 23, 2006


So my buddy MGR is a dentist. She has funny stories all the time from her interesting patients. So she tells me this gem today:

im pulling this tooth out this morn and im going thru this guy's med history
and i ask "do you smoke". and he says "no"
"do you drink?" and he says "no"
"any rec drugs?" and he says "a little marijuana...but its really a plant"
and im like, so thats what they teach you, eh?
and he smiles, yup!
and hes like so proud of himself that he outsmarted me"

Moral of the story. Druggies are so much smarter than us. And cooler.

I just wanna apple!

I know now is not the time to be dissing our NYC street fruit vendors since they will soon disappear as they hibernate for the winter, but seriously, the dude on my corner has been so annoying. Everyday I stop by his stand and all I want is 2 bananas and an apple for my dollar. But lately he'll say "An apple? Why not try a peach. My peaches today are lovely!" But I'm like no, an apple is what I want. So needless to say, I've been trying to frequent another cart. Other cart guy that sells cut up fruit salad that I enjoy was not there today. So I went back to the dude at 36th and 6th this afternoon and he was trying to push his grapes on me. He didn't have any bananas so I asked for one red and one green apple. He said "what about my grapes? They are sweet and delicious." But just like your local drug dealer, you feel the need to feign a relationship with your vendor. You don't just scream, "I don't want your damn grapes, I want my apples!" So I said instead "Heh, heh (blush), those grapes sure do look good, but not today. Maybe tomorrow." Just so you know, I don't have a drug dealer. I learned that similiarity from Korean-American comedienne Margaret Cho. But then again the corner fruit vendor really is a drug dealer for us health minded New Yorkers. I saw this woman on Friday hug her vendor when he got in his ordered of figs that she had requested. Personally I wouldn't hug these dudes. They smell faintly of curry. My buddy Tamarzeepoo gave into his inappropriate advances today. She wasn't strong like me. When he offered her his juicy grapes, she blushed and accepted. He kept adding more and more bunches of grapes to the scale ignoring her petty cries. "No more!" she screamed "Please stop, thats enough!". I wish I were there. I would have kept my wits about me and dragged her to safety. But I could not. She left his stand 5 dollars lighter and a pound of grapes heavier. We must put a stop to this bullying. Who's with me?!

Friday, October 20, 2006

Former Headline #1

So occassionally I like to change the headline on my MySpace page. Some of them are funny so as I update my page I will include them here.

"I'm going to prison for tax evasion. Please don't forget to write. Thanks Mom. Love, Susanne"

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

39 Days and counting....

until my vacation. Details to follow.

Try this. You will fail.

How smart is your right foot?

This is so funny that it will boggle your mind. And, you will keep trying it at least 50 more times to see if you can outsmart your foot.
But you can't!!!

1. While sitting at your desk, lift your right foot off the floor and
make clockwise circles with it.

2. Now, while doing this, draw the number "66" in the air with your
right hand. Your foot will change direction!!!

I told you so. And there is nothing you can do about it.
And yes, it is possible to do it with your LEFT foot, but not the

My brain freaks me out sometimes.

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Seriously?! Get a fricken job.

Yesterday I had the day off of work. Since I haven't had a real weekend day to myself for the past month or so due to the Jewish holidays I needed to squeeze in some seriously movie theater time. There about 5 or 6 movies out currently that I'd been wanting to see so I thought Monday would be a good chance to knock 2 or 3 of them off of my list. After all, Monday ones going to be at the movie theater right? Think again. Apparently everyone who is currently out of work and I assume is using my tax dollars (yes, I am a tax payer now) from their welfare check to pay the $10.75 my local theater charges per ticket was at the movies on Monday afternoon for the 1:35 showing of Little Miss Sunshine, which was moderately full. Hell, I can't even afford the ticket, I had to use a coupon from my Entertainment Book. But the real shocker was when I ducked into my second movie of the day The Departed. It was 3:30 in the afternoon. Thats usually about the time of day Tamar and I are on a sugar and caffeine high and begin our daily exibition game of Catch the Cocoa Puff in your Mouth from Across the Room. Little did I know, that the rest of New York spends their 3:30s at the AMC on 42nd Street. I swear, the biggest screen in the theater which isn't always sold out on a Friday night, was packed. I couldn't even put my feet up on the seat in front of me cause someone was sitting in it. What the hell?! I snuck in my bag of microwave popcorn, the homeless dude in front of me (and for real, some dude came in with a homeless person shopping cart) was eating out of an $8 jumbo bucket. I was drinking my Diet Mountain Dew out of a bottle from my bag, the Yeshiva boy next to me who was skipping school was drinking out of a giant Icee cup. Who are these people? Why don't they have jobs? What I would do to sit and watch movies all day long. Mr. Moviefone is my hero. I can't wait for my vacation. Western I come.

Monday, October 09, 2006

Shidduch for non-Jew

Theres an understanding in Judaism that if you act as a shadchan (matchmaker) for 3 married couples, you get a first class ticket into Heaven, no strings attached. So an old friend just found me last week on MySpace. I almost deleted the email she sent but at the last second kind of found her picture a little bit familiar. Turns out shes a friend of mine since sixth grade, now happily married and living in North Carolina with another fellow I knew growing up. He was best friends with my first boyfriend so I remember a lot of times with us just hanging out. Anyhoo, she wrote back after my initial "waaassssssuppppp" email, that she had actually first met her husband at my Bat Mitzvah in 1992. She also claimed they had their first kiss at the reception. I'm glad someone got some action. I had the stomach flu so I skipped the 20 grand reception and spent the evening with my head in the toilet of my hotel suite. So...If I set up a non-Jew, does it get counted in the grand scheme of things? Am I now 2 away from entering heaven with my get out of jail free card? That would sure be cool. I'll have to kick my matchmakering attempts up a level. Hey ladies...I know some nice boys. Call me.

Wanna Sukkah with me?

Anyone working in midtown Manhattan, feel free to join me in the Bryant Park sukkah at lunchtime. Chabad of Midtown has been building an incredible sukkah in this famous park for the last several years. I feel like its my obligation to visit the sukkah while its there, shake the lulav, and donate money to tzedakah. I encourage you to visit as well. Plus, you get to eat lunch with me, your favorite blogger, Susanne!

I've just got back from my first trip to the BP sukkah with EW and MB. I've gotta say, its quite the "scene". Probably 90% male since the mitzvah to eat in a sukkah does not apply as strongly to women. I didn't mind it one bit. Problem is that religious Jewish men do not always wear wedding bands. So of the 90%, three-quarters were probably married. Oh well, doesn't hurt to look. Who's coming tomorrow? ZK, I know you can make it!

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Kids are Cute

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

I don't know. Maybe its the hormones talking. But today I've decided kids are cute. Above you see a little girl who I mentioned in a previous post, "I run for life...". They were walking in front of me at Race for the Cure last month and I just thought it was the cutest most touching thing.

Today on the way from my subway after work to my apartment I overheard a conversation between a little blond girl and her little blond mom. The little girl was riding her little pink bike (with training wheels! added cuteness!) and matching helmet. She said to her mom matter of factly, "You know when I feel cold?" Her mom asked "When?" So then the little girl gave a long analysis about how when its snowing and you're sitting in the snow and then you play with the snow and some snow sneaks into your gloves and gets all up in the arms of your jacket. Part of the cuteness stemmed from the fact that she was little and had a little bike with little training wheels, but mostly from the fact that its still 76 degrees outside....and this kid's talking about snow.

Then I turned the next corner and saw a father and young son crossing the street. I heard them in the midst of a very important sounding conversation so I slowed to let them walk ahead of me so I could listen and giggle to my heart's delight. The little boy asked his dad, "Do sharp leaves ever fall off the trees?" and the dad said, "Sure, those are called pine needles and they fall just like other leaves." And the boy said, "Why do leaves fall?" So the dad started a whole expanation about trees getting older and sleeping and some other stuff. The boy asked, "Why do they sleep?" Everything the dad said the boy interjected with a why? I think the dad was pulling answers from his butt but he did a sufficient job. The last thing I heard said was comparing tree bark to the kid's skin. Yeah, that'll keep him up all night. Good one dad.

Anyway, my conclusion from this evening's adventures is this: I must carry around a voice recorder like all those famous reporters. Some of the things I hear, if I don't get them on tape, no one will believe me. So cute!

Susanne + TV= Not Happening

Just got a postcard from those losers at Who Wants to be a Millionare saying I haven't been chosen as part of their contestant pool. I don't know what they are thinking. I aced the written exam and kicked butt in my interview. Also my application was ridiculously funny. They probably thought my humor and charm would overshadow Merideth Viera's boringness. I'm just going to go with my usual response to this discovery. ABC is antisemitic.

Friday, September 29, 2006

Repentance is upon us!

Hello my Jewish and non-Jewish peeps. As I mentioned in last week's post Rosh Hashanah the New Year has begun. The Jewish people are given the 10 days between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement, to seek out others and offer their apologies for any indiscretions of the past year. Genius comedian Stephen Colbert has discovered a brilliant way to help Jews expedite that process, as you'll see in this clip:

I also called his toll free number 888-667-7539 which begins with a Shalom! greeting that even rivals the announcer from Tamarzeepoo's favorite TV show Shalom in the Home with the Kosher Sex Rabbi himself, Shmuly Boteach. That Jew should apologize to all of us. Seriously Rabbi, your friendship with Michael Jackson is unforgiveble and the TV show with you living in a trailer....Jews do NOT live in trailers man!

Stephen Colbert, I forgive you for stealing this idea from the National Jewish Outreach Program's Project Forgiveness. I think as an apology to them you should invite NJOP's founder Rabbi Ephraim Buchwald to your show. That'd be cool.

I hope you all have an easy fast and meaningful prayers this Monday on Yom Kippur. Peace, love, and happiness to you all!

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Celebrity Sighting #1

Sure I've seen famous people before. But I decided to list them for my loyal blog reader. Reader singular was a typo but I decided to keep it since I am still convinced that there is only one.

Loews Lincoln Center, last night. Premiere for School for Scoundrels. I was leaving my audition for Who Wants to be a Millionaire, Netflix Movie Edition (which sucked by the way, thanks for asking) at the ABC studios on 66th street.

The had the camera bulbs flashing for the premiere. We saw Billy Bob Thornton who happens to be a pretty little guy. No clue what Angelina saw in him. Oy. Also, Jon Heder was there and I so wanted to scream "Hey Napolean" but EST and JP told me that would be uncool. So instead I screamed "I love Mormons!". Not sure he appreciated that either, but I really do love Mormons.

Fox News gets ripped a new one

I love Bill Clinton. He is the most well-informed, articulate, (and handsome!) US President I feel we've ever seen. He was the first President I got to vote for and I wish I could vote for him in every election. The proof is in the pudding. I finally sat down and watched the now infamous interview with him and Chris Wallace. Wallace thought he would have a walk in the park criticizing the former president about his search for bin Laden. That is until Bill gave him the smackdown. Here is a clip:

I so cannot wait until he becomes First Gentleman. :)

Friday, September 22, 2006

Rosh Hashanah

Rosh Hashanah begins tonight and always makes me think about this past year and where I hope to be next year at this time. I think too often we look at others and become envious of them. We covet the life they have. Oh, they are so lucky, they have a good job, a nice husband, beautiful children, etc etc. We need to stop that. We need to love the life we live. Everyone has their pluses, but we must remember, there are always minuses people deal with as well. No one is perfect. I think we all can agree to that. So my bracha for you and I is that we become comfortable in our own skin. That we learn to love our imperfections. The new year is an opportunity for each of us to start anew. On that note, I hope that you can somehow find it in yourself to forgive me for any of the transgressions that I have committed, just as I will do for you. May all of our relationships with our families, our friends, and our fellow man be built on a strong foundation made of love, respect, and mitzvos. I hope this coming year will be filled with nothing but simchas for us to share together! I offer additional brachos to my commenters. I love you guys! Gmar Chasima Tova!

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Pink Mist

Okay, so you know the post-Superbowl episode of Grey's Anatomy. It began with a dream sequence of Meredith, Izzie, and Christina soaping each other up in a shower stall. We then see George waking up. Then we find Meredith refusing to get out of bed because she knew something terrible was going to happen that day. Sure enough, all hell breaks loose. Shes forced by her friends to go to work anyway and her foreshadowing becomes reality. Theres a bomb inside one dude's body while McDreamy is nextdoor doing brain surgery on the Nazi's husband. And of course the hot bomb squad dude becomes pink mist seconds after taking the bomb out of Meredith's hands. The scene ends with Izzie and Christina in the shower cleaning the dirt and blood from Meredith's body. End scene. I left out a bit, but you get the jist.

The other day, I faced one of my hardest moral dilemmas ever. I was on the subway heading home from work and after a stop or two I moved to an empty seat. As I moved away from the pole I'd been holding onto, I saw a young guy, probably in his late teens bend down and pick something up. I saw something shiny and thought it might have been a quarter or something. Then I realized he was acting all nonchalant and hadn't but it in his pocket, but instead was hiding it in his fist. When he opened his fist a little I saw he was holding a diamond ring. I immediately made eye contact with the guy to let him know I knew what he had found. Then I realized, I should do something about it. I stared at the ring to determine if it was real or not. I usually have an uncanny ability to spot a fake diamond since I bought a new engagement ring to wear on April Fool's Day every year in college. I had to decide what to do. Do I claim it was mine to get it away from him? Do I tell him to "do the right thing" ie turn it in to the lost property people? Do I slip him a note saying that the reward will probably be for more money than the 100 bucks the pawn shop owner will give him?

Obviously I was scared that the guy would get violent if I confronted him so I decided that if it was in the cards for me to do something it would happen that when I got off at 125th street the guy would get off as well and I could flag a cop to discuss it with him. That did not happen. I am of course disappointed that I didn't do everything in my power to stop this thievery from happening. I am also disappointed that I have so little faith in NYC youths that I felt only me, and not the young man could get this ring back to its rightful owner.

I feel like the most mundane things we experience can sometimes be lifechanging. Its like that ridiculously stupid 1998 Gwyneth Paltrow movie Sliding Doors. Something as simple as missing a train can change a life. What if that ring was an heirloom that is forever lost? What if that ring was to be used to propose to someone's loved one? What if what if what if?

Even if we wake up in the morning convinced that the day will end horribly we still must get up. We can't live our lives with what ifs? We aren't all going to end up being blown to bits by a bomb that was pulled from some crazy dude's chest cavity. We aren't all going to become Pink Mist. Meredith Grey should be blown up cause shes so damn annoying, but thats a story for a different day.

Thursday, September 14, 2006

Susanne on TV....again?

I tried out last night for Who Wants to be a Millionaire Pop Culture addition. I, of course, passed the test with flying colors. Thanks to the help of my VH1 Pop Culture World Series teammates who gave me a heads up as to the type of questions being asked on this written test I was very confident going into the test and interview. We all gathered for the test in what must have been the ABC studios dining hall. Security made me relinquish my pepper spray I guess thinking some angry dude might fail the written test and go beserk! We had 30 questions and 10 minutes to complete the test. I was done in 5. Funnily enough, the one question I missed was the single country music question on the test. It was "what country music star sang a duet with Jessica Simpson on her 'These Boots are Made for Walking' video?" I didn't connect that it was on the Dukes of Hazard soundtrack, otherwise I would have known it was Willie Nelson, everyones favorite pot smoking grandpa. There were two questions I wasn't 100% sure about. One was "Who directed Spinal Tap?" which I changed from the correct answer (Rob Reiner) to the wrong one (Christopher Guest) in the last seconds of the test. I should get half credit though since it was Guest who wrote the damn film. The other was "On which movie set did Tom Hanks meet his future wife Rita Wilson?" I debated between 'Bachelor Party' and 'The Volunteers' before settling on the correct answer (The Volunteers). When time was up the test moderator picked up our Scantrons (yup, we used Scantrons, how fun is that? Haven't used those in like 10 years! #2 pencil and everything!!). After marking the tests the dude called out those who had passed to line up for pictures and interviews. I was dying because he was almost done calling out names and seriously, it got to the "and last but not least" call. That was me. I was crapping. If i failed i would have cried of embarrassment. My interview went really well and I was able to flesh out a lot of fun stories for the ABC staffer who interviewed me. She asked where I was from and I told her the OC and she was super fired up. Then I told her how I used to tell people that and they'd say "um, like, is that LA?" and then I'd be "um, no, its south of LA." and they'd be like "OMG, you're from San Diego?!", and I'd be like "no, Orange County is right in the middle of the two, I'm right near Disneyland". Now its much easier. I tell people the OC and they'll be like "OMG, do you know Mischa Barton?!" People are stupid.

Anyway, I was able to segue into my experiences on Family Feud and when I descibed how we were the respectable looking Jewish family who had the guy who did "the snake" on the ground of the studio during the closing credits, she was like, "OMG, I think I remember that one". The Goldstone family was, as always, unforgettable.

I discussed the test with my Pop Culture trivia buddies and my VH1 teammate EST told me that when her husband ask her who she'd use for her Phone-a-Friend and she told him it would be me. She'd be mine too since she knows a sick amount of pop culture trivia. Seriously, anything that I don't know the answer to, ask her.

Alright kids, I'm off to Vegas for the weekend to meet my new nephew...okay, its his first birthday on Sunday, but its better late than never. Don't forget, its my birthday too on Sunday so I expect a lot of comments and/or gifts! Peace!

Monday, September 11, 2006

Where were you when the world stopped turning that September day?

As you all know, today is the 5th Anniversary of September 11th. No need to all know what happened. I remember that day and those that followed as if they were just moments ago.

My senior year of college I thought I was such a big shot. I'd just gotten back from a summer internship in our glorious nation's capitol after working for a United States Congresswoman. I was the Corresponding Secretary of the Stern College Student Council and had a fairly light courseload. So as I cruised (late of course) to my 9 AM Psych class I figured it was just any other day. I walked north on Lexington Ave from my apartment to the 245 Lex building where my class was being held. Had I been walking south I probably would have had a straight view down Lexington Ave and seen the smoke that would have been rising at the time from the first tower that was hit. Instead I continued on to class stopping in the Caf to buy my signature Diet Mountain Dew. Being on student council meant we were issued pagers to help correspond with each other. We also received news updates on them. I got a buzz around 9:10 saying that a plane had crashed into the first tower (the updates weren't always speedy). I was like whoa, thats crazy for a pilot to not notice the WTC. A moment later came the one saying a second plane had also crashed. I panicked since no one else in the classroom knew what was going on so I quietly stood up and slid out of the room. I got in the elevator since I knew there was a television set downstairs. I passed the Jamaican maintenence man who informed me he had been on the roof of my school building and had seen the second plane being hit. He was totally shell shocked. Already seated around the TV were two Deans and no students. Students that were awake at that early hour were only up if they had a 9 am class. I watched the horrific replay on TV for a minute and then received a page from my mom. I knew something horrible was happening since it was just after 6 am in California and my family is never awake that early. I reached for my cell phone but all the lines were jammed. The Dean let me try the call from her office but at that point all the land lines were down as well. Pay phone was also a no go. I needed to let my parents know I was okay, after all, I lived only a couple miles from Ground Zero. I ran up to the computer lab remembering that those used cable modems and should still work. Unfortunately the only person on my Buddy List who was signed in was a guy I'd interned with that summer. He was in college in St. Louis so he wouldn't have trouble making a call to my parents. I quickly asked him to call my folks. Then I got all nervous because my parents were about to receive a call from a stranger saying, "Mr. and Mrs. Goldstone...this is James Smith...I'm calling about your daughter". But, Thank God, he quickly explained that he knew me from DC. After I knew they were notified I walked back into my classroom in a trancelike state. The professor was still totally unaware and continued teaching. My friend Jenny asked me what was wrong and I told her to go downstairs and put on the news. I then grabbed my stuff and left the class. Someone told me he dismissed the class a few minutes later after 100s of police cars and fire engines began to race down Lex to reach the site of the crash. I found my roommate SS and broke the news to her. Her father worked in the area so we walked over to her sister's dorm to wake her up and let her know what was going on.

As we walked back to our apt we passed this woman standing there crying in the street. I stopped to ask her if there was anything I could do. She shook her head and just stood there, tears rolling down her face. I feel like this must be what its like living in Israel. These horrific things happening all the time and people displaying their raw emotions in public. I'm the kind of girl who cries easily during a sappy movie, hell, a sappy commercial will even get my waterworks going. So I didn't understand why I wasn't crying that day. It seemed so appropriate but I wasn't able to squeeze out one tear. Seriously, I tried. What the hell was wrong with me? It wasn't until I finally spoke to my dad and heard him crying over the phone (probably the first time I'd ever heard him cry) that I finally lost it. Our parents are supposed to protect us. Provide for us all that we could possibly need to stay safe. When something like this happens we become so vulnerable. Here I was in the big, bad city so far away from my parents, and all they wanted was to hold me and make sure I was okay. It was now my job to show them I was tough and could take on these challenges alone. So many parents lost their children on the idyllic Tuesday morning and so many children lost parents. But instead of beating us, our enemies have only made us stronger. These 19 men on a suicide mission believed a perverted version of a beautiful religion. They were taught to hate instead of love. We as New Yorkers have pulled our emotions from the rubble at Ground Zero. Those 19 men were trying to tear us apart. Instead all colors, creeds, and religions have pulled together in a United effort to never forget that beautiful September day when the towers came crashing down. I had wanted to go to the hospital and donate blood like I often did...but then word came out that blood wasn't needed, many of the most seriously injured has succumbed to their wounds. Jewish people honor their deceased by ensuring that shomrim (literally watchers) guard the body from the time of death until its burial. Some of my friends became locally recognized when they acted as shomrim to the 100s of bodies that were being brought to the NYU hospital mortuary. Of all the bodies being brought in there was sure to be some Jews and they wanted to make sure that they received the same honor they would had they passed away in a different fashion. This is one of the greatest mitzvahs (acts of charity) a person can do since it is one that can in no way be returned by the person you are doing it for. I remember the LA riots when I was younger and remember the looting and the violence that followed. We also were dealing with a horrible horrible attack and almost all New Yorkers were acting completely selflessly. We stopped to help strangers on the street. We told our friends and family how much we loved them. We went to our houses of worship and begged to understand what had happened.

I leave you with the lyrics to Alan Jackson's "Where Were You" which he penned in the days follwing the attacks.

"Where Were You (When The World Stopped Turning)"

Where were you when the world stopped turning that September day
Out in the yard with your wife and children
Working on some stage in LA
Did you stand there in shock at the site of
That black smoke rising against that blue sky
Did you shout out in anger
In fear for your neighbor
Or did you just sit down and cry

Did you weep for the children
Who lost their dear loved ones
And pray for the ones who don't know
Did you rejoice for the people who walked from the rubble
And sob for the ones left below

Did you burst out in pride
For the red white and blue
The heroes who died just doing what they do
Did you look up to heaven for some kind of answer
And look at yourself to what really matters

I'm just a singer of simple songs
I'm not a real political man
I watch CNN but I'm not sure I can tell you
The difference in Iraq and Iran
But I know Jesus and I talk to God
And I remember this from when I was young
Faith hope and love are some good things he gave us
And the greatest is love

Where were you when the world stopped turning that September day
Teaching a class full of innocent children
Driving down some cold interstate
Did you feel guilty cause you're a survivor
In a crowded room did you feel alone
Did you call up your mother and tell her you love her
Did you dust off that bible at home
Did you open your eyes and hope it never happened
Close your eyes and not go to sleep
Did you notice the sunset the first time in ages
Speak with some stranger on the street
Did you lay down at night and think of tomorrow
Go out and buy you a gun
Did you turn off that violent old movie you're watching
And turn on "I Love Lucy" reruns
Did you go to a church and hold hands with some stranger
Stand in line and give your own blood
Did you just stay home and cling tight to your family
Thank God you had somebody to love

I'm just a singer of simple songs
I'm not a real political man
I watch CNN but I'm not sure I can tell you
The difference in Iraq and Iran
But I know Jesus and I talk to God
And I remember this from when I was young
Faith hope and love are some good things he gave us
And the greatest is love

I run for life...

Yesterday morning I participated in the Komen Race for the Cure 5K with 20,000+ New Yorkers and people who traveled to this great city for the event. I am proud to say that my friends helped me raise $403 for the worthy cause. I know what you are thinking...damn I can't believe Susanne didn't raise her fundraising goal of $450...If I had only donated that $2 in change I got back from the cashier at Taco Bell. Don't worry...Its not too late. You can visit my site by clicking here. The race was incredible. All participants were given a shirt to wear as they raced. The breast cancer survivors were wearing bright pink shirts as opposed to our white ones. I've been really emotional lately but I can't even describe for you the raw emotions my friends and I felt watching these women, some of them still sporting bald heads, walking with their husbands, children, and friends. Others wrote on bibs signifying who it was they were walking in honor of. Some wrote "In Celebration of" so and so while others wrote "In Memory of". It wasn't unusual to see families walking together. I saw 5 people walking side by side, each one had a different thing written. "In Memory of my Wife", "In Memory of my Mom", "In Memory of my Grandma", "In Memory of my Sister", "In Memory of my Friend". They each had the same name written on it. One little girl held on to her grandma's right hand and the girl had written on her back "In Celebration of My Grandma" with an arrow pointng toward her left. Yup, I lost it, but not until I chased after them to get a picture. It was so touching. As I mentioned on my site, my immediate family and I have, Thank God, never been touched by cancer, but we do have friends who are battling cancer today as well as friends who have lost their fight. I did this for them. In their honor. May my mitzvah be a merit toward their well-being and spirit. Anyway, it was a very meaningful experience for me. I hope you all will join me next year! Lets run for life!

Friday, September 08, 2006

Subway Stories

On my way in to work the other day I was sitting next to these two young guys. They were both high school age and wearing pants that fell around their thighs instead of their waists. One guy was lamenting that his computer science teacher gave them homework on the first day of school. So he pulled out his assignment to complete while on the train. He read the questions aloud to his friend to show how stupid the assignment was. Do you own a computer? If so, what kind, laptop or PC? If a laptop, what brand? Do you own a cell phone? Do you own any other electronics in your home? Finally the young man said matter of factly, "Damn its a good thing the teacher doesn't ask for my address...I'd think he was casing the joint!" I laughed so hard that I almost fell from the seat next to them. Oy. Is this really how young people think these days? Sad.

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

I've been published!

The Beyond BT blog has accepted me as a contributor and my first piece was published on their site this morning. Very exciting stuff. Funnily enough, I found this blog after someone had posted about a new initiative that my organization NJOP had started. When I scanned the homepage I quickly found another piece written by someone I know from PENN. Her post was about my roommate's wedding. I figured all the stars were alligned, and this was a sign that I should contribute to their site as well. So I asked this girl how she became involved and she asked me to send a sample to the main guy. So I sent him a copy of my BT Manifesto that I wrote for the NJOP newsletter and he published it this morning. Please visit the site directly at and my post directly here.

Sunday, September 03, 2006

Hit the deck!

I just heard a gunshot out my window. No, not the car backfiring variety. This was a real gunshot. Boy, do I love Washington Heights!

My party

Hi y'all. If you are reading are invited to my birthday party this Thursday night at my favorite NYC bar Yogi's. Hope to see you there. And don't forget to buy me a drink.

Thursday, August 31, 2006

Nebbach on Tara Reid

Oh Tara. We remember you as the soft-spoken coed Vicky responsible for deflowering one of the title characters in American Pie. Or then there was your role as the inquisitive reporter for your college paper in Van Wilder. Those were your best roles ever. Since then I assume she fired her agent and started making her own management decisions. Thats when she took on hosting roles on the horrendous shows "Wild On..." and "Taradise." Oy gevalt. Well, her world came crashing down again this week when someone caught on tape the unfortunate actress as she tried to score a VIP entrance into a hot Hollywood club. Not only were paparazzis snapping her picture when she walked up to the bouncer but she was flanked by an entourage, a mucho importante celeb accessory. And then it happened. She was denied. BIG time. Nebbach. Caught on tape. And not neccesarily the Rick Salomon caught on tape experience. No no, this version was of the negative publicity variety. Speaking of director extrardinaire Rick Salomon, while Tara is shown being berated by the skinny white gay bouncer, who comes strolling through the VIP line and into the club? Well, no other than fellow party girl Paris Hilton, star of Rick's last movie. Theres even a shot of her leering at Tara as she slips right past the red velvet rope. This video is devastating. I really feel for Tara. Okay, she did get to play an Archie comics character in one movie and she did kiss megastud Ryan Reynolds in another. And all I ever did was a commercial at 12 and Family Feud at 21. Hmmm, nope I still feel sorry for the girl. Check out the video and tell me what you think.

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Jews and Constipation

I wake up to Z100 every morning. Mostly out of default. Theres no country station in New York city and my little Kaboodle alarm clock that I've had since my Bat Mitzvah doesn't exactly get the best reception. The Z Morning Zoo is the morning show led by Elvis Duran. They are actually pretty funny, way better than that Rick Dees banter I grew up with. They have different segments every morning as I am trying to roll out of bed. Danielle Monaro does the Sleaze which tells us all about all the new celeb gossip and John Bell does Stupid News. Today John read a doozy.

A major Jewish philanthrapist decided last spring to donate like a million pounds of leftover Passover matzah to the poverty stricken, malnourished population of Ethiopia. What was obviously not taken into account was the damage matzah does to the human digestive system. The country of Ethiopia dealt with their first ever national crisis of constipation. Thats right. These folks never had much to eat, so once they added tons of matzah to their diets they found themselves dealing with horrible constipation. We Jews complain about the after effects of matzah eating all Passover long. But we are mixing our matzah with a diet of greasy meat and potatoes from our Seder feast, so usually the constipation is bearable. These poor Ethiopians. Talk about affliction...

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

My almost fistfight at Verizon Wireless

Sometimes I think I have anger management problems (see post for reference). But then I realize thats not the case. Everyone around me is just really really stupid.

Take this for an example. Last week I went to pick up my new phone at Verizon Wireless. Now I take my ability to get a new phone seriously. I knew the date was coming up so in early August I called their customer service to check which day I was eligible. They said August 22nd. So I had my whole day planned out. I was going to take a late lunch because if you show up at the store at 2 pm the lunchtime rush customers are clearing out and its just before the folks who think they are outsmarting the lunch rush crowd stroll in at 3. between 2 and 2:15 the store is empty. So I stroll in pick out my new phone and rush to the empty Phone Pick-Up line. I hand the girl behind the counter my order and she tells me that because this particular phone line was started by my parents when I was in college the main person on the account has to approve my new phone and contract agreement. I of course ask to speak to the manager since I've signed my own contracts in this store for the last 5 years. He declines. So I irrately get my mom on the phone since she is the business person in the family who handles all the fam's bills and overall annoying things like this. I'm getting pissed, I'm on my lunch hour so sitting around their damn store with a bunch of stupid people drove me nuts. I tell her to call Verizon and add my name to the decision makers list. The girl behind the counter says it shouldn't take more then 10 minutes. She calls them up and they inform her that she is not on the decision makers list either. they tell her my mom needs to be added to the list as well. They ask to speak to Dr. Harvey who's name is on the official contract. So my mom begins to get pissed and explains my father never dealt with the bill or contracts on these phones. Hell, I'm proud of him for knowing how to dial out on his cell phone. But they insist on speaking with him and my mom gives them his phone number at work.

My dad is a doctor and had to step out in the middle of an exam to answer the idiot from customer service. So she says to him (probably with drool dripping down her stupid chin) "Dr. Goldstein?" Yeah, okay, this is Verizon's crack team of contractual enforcers. They can't even read the damn name on the contract. "He says, no this is Dr. Goldstone". According to my mom she decided she reached the wrong person at this point because it wasn't the Dr. Goldstein she was calling for. She hung up apparently. This is the point where I started pacing around the store and giving dirty looks to everyone.

So at this point my whole family is enraged with Verizon Wireless to the point of discussion of pulling our entire family contract from their company, which altogether we are probably paying quite a few hundred dollars a month, and taking it to another company. Word to the wise Verizon. Stop pissing off your customers. You want proof that I am who I am, don't have a retard high school dropout call my dad in the middle of a busy workday for verification. The fact that my drivers license has the same address as the billing zip code should have been sufficient evidence that I am the same Susanne Goldstone who owns this phone. So an hour later (not 10 minutes like Satan Lady behind the counter guestimated) we finally got verification my my phone was brought out. Good news is, I must have created such a ruckus that the babe forgot to charge me for switching over my contacts list. Score! Anyone got T-Mobile's number?

Thursday, August 24, 2006

My Papa was the Man!

It was my Papa's yartzeit (anniversary of his passing) yesterday the 23rd. In Judaism, one of our customs is to light a candle to burn in memory of the individual. So at sundown of the 22nd my mom lit her Manischewitz brand yartzeit candle in memory of her dad, my papa, David Drexler. Now, just so you know, my Papa was the coolest dude around. He lost a great deal of his family in the Holocaust and imigrated from Austria. He was a barber by trade and because of that was meticulously well groomed. I think he probably used a straight razor until the day he died. No Bics for him. And his coolest quality...he thought WWF wrestling was real. Even as a little kid I knew Hulk Hogan and Rowdy Roddy Piper weren't really trying to kill each other in the ring. But he would be sitting there on the La-Z-Boy screaming at the screen shouting "Rip his head off!!!". Therefore, my brother Alan and I would invite all of our friends over to watch Wrestlemania on our illegally unscrambled Pay-Per-View station. Instead of staring at the TV, most of us kept our eyes glued on Papa. Hell, I found him way more exciting. Also, whenever we would be eating together, he would constantly be commenting on what I'm doing. "Why aren't you eating", "You took too much food", etc etc, forcing my Granny to scream something in Yiddish that sounds like (Dov, Nisht blah blah blah ) which probably meant, "Dov, stop that and keep your eyes on your own darn plate!" I wish I knew yiddish. All I ever learned from various family members were bad words. They only spoke yiddish when they didn't want us to know what they were shouting about. You know what I mean? Papa was just an awesome dude. He didn't talk much and usually grunted a hello when approached, but he was totally cool. Anyway, moral of the story is, my mom just called to say the 24 hour memorial candle she lit Tuesday night is still burning bright two days later. Just like theres still a little bit of Papa still burning in me. Papa, I miss you. You were a righteous righteous dude.

Rabbi Susanne saves the day!

Once again, our Heroine Susanne's fake Rabbinic skills and justifications come to the rescue as seen in the Gmail Chat conversation with my bud ES the JD. Oh yeah, ES that is your new name. Good times.

ES JD: forgot to daven... should I do shacharit now or wait for mincha? bc its rosh chodesh?

me: shacharis
i figure ill wake up on shab at 11 and daven

ES JD: k

me: rabbi susanne to the rescue!

Some of you may claim, "what she didn't even consult a calendar to check what time chatzot is?!" But come on people, I spent last Shabbos in Crown Heights. Lubavs are notorious for davening late but when I got to my Shabbos lunch (which was called for 2:30 PM btw since 770 davening begins at like 10:30 am) someone showed up at 3 pm who claimed to have just woken up and I am convinced pulled out a siddur and began to daven Shacharis. Chodesh Tov everyone!

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Who the Hell is Mel?

Who is it that keeps commenting claiming to be Mel Gibson? You keep giving me a giggle. Nice guys are hard to come by. So Yes Mel I Will Marry You! Who needs a religious Jewish guy when a rich, goy, anti-semite finally gets up the nerve to ask!

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Jewish Husband

A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation to Jerusalem While they were there, the wife passed away. The undertaker told the husband, "You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here, in the Holy Land , for $150."
The man thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home.

The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your wife home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would spend only $150?"

The man replied, "Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can't take that chance."

Thursday, August 17, 2006


Sure, there might be 4 plus months left to shop for your Christmas presents. But one month from today, September 17th, is my birthday. Of course its also my friends RS, AW, and DAE's birthdays as well on this very day, but you don't need to shop around for gifts for them...just for me. The other night it occured to me just how old I am going to be this coming year and I let out a little yelp. I am really old. Your gifts better be awesome!

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Just a quickie!

After long deliberation my awesome new chef roommate finally remembered what important info Elysia RS had to convey to me. I couldn't imagine what info this might be since the last time I saw ERS she was wiping down tables a few months back at the fabulous new Heights pizza joint Lake Como Pizza (which I enjoyed, mostly for the free samples they passed around at the grand opening, but still they were good free samples), don't worry, she doesn't work there but was helping out a friend who owns/runs the place. Finally roomie BK was like, "OH!", and remembered that ERS passed on word that she reads the blog and finds it funny. I don't know if BK added the "she thinks its funny" part to humor me or not, but I still appreciate that cool people are discovering my blog. If you read my blog and I am unaware send me a shout out so I can acknowledge you. Good times. Peace!

Monday, August 14, 2006

My Days of Thunder

The first song on my iPod this morning totally spoke to me. I was listening to it and started to reminisce about my California buddies and I got kinda sad. This past Saturday was one of best bud's from back in the days wedding. Since it was on Saturday and I'm Shomer Shabbos (Sabbath Observant) I wasn't able to attend. On top of that I'm a doofus and had in my head that the wedding was next Saturday so I called her Sunday night to say howdy before they left for Cali for the wedding. Thank goodness her cell was off and I wasn't disturbing their honeymoon. That would have sucked big time. Anyway, the song this morn was Days of Thunder by Brooks and Dunn.

"Looking back on those days of thunder
Shake my head and I have to wonder
How we ever made it through that
Every night you're taking me back
Desert road and a restless wind
Ain't it good to feel that way again
Here we are the way we were
And those days of thunder."

This song and Wide Open Spaces from the Dixie Chicks (and really Any Man of Man, but thats for different reasons) always make my think of my girls in California. Those days really were my days of thunder and my friends really helped me live my life to the fullest. I miss you guys so much. I know no one reads this blog from there...but I wanted to put it out there for you. Jen and Larry...I wish you guys all the best the world has to offer. You both complement each other so well and I'm so happy you found each other. Even though it was in a bar in Vegas and if I were there I would have been like, Jen, gross, you can't meet a good guy in a bar in Vegas. Good thing I wasn't there. I wish I could have shared the big day with you. Love you guys!

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Forgiving Mel

Okay, heres my Mel rant:

Mel Gibson's latest idiodicy scares me. And I mean, it really freaks me out. The guy doesn't like Jews. So why enter a profession where a majority of studios are run by, you guessed it, Jews? Take Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer (MGM) for example, one of the earliest and largest production houses. Before these 3 companies became one huge one they were Metro Pictures, run at the time by Marcus Loew, the yid who went on to own a whole bunch of other stuff including hotels and theater chains, Goldwyn Pictures Corp., another yid, and Louis B. Mayer Pictures (can you get more yid then that?!). Why not get a job with people who share your views, like say, spokesperson for the KKK. Of course, Mel Gibson's dad Hutton, the infamous Holocaust denier, would have to retire from the position before he could assume it.

After hearing of his anti-semitic tirade to the Jewish officer, who by the way, sooo does not look Jewish, I almost found them comical. Here was a drunk dude just blabbering out of his mind about the F*****g Jews and how Jews are causing all these wars. That was until I realized how I get when I myself am out of my mind drunk. I might not get in my car to drive home (only tried that once, before I barfed on the driver's side door and then asked a friend to drive). I become the crazy paranoid drunk honest lady. All my inhibitions fly themselves out the window. Hell, I even remember asking a hot guy to prom when I was really drunk. That fact embarrassed me the next morning. Thank God he didn't say yes. I would have died. But the fact is nothing holds you back and nothing holds your tongue in that situation. All those feelings you have that you would never share sober find a way to slip out. I one time professed my love for someone that I never would have done sober. And yes, they still make fun of me to this day. I'll never live that one down. So the point is, Mel meant what he said. He hates Jews. He blames us for all the wars. You know how we know that? Cause that night on Pacific Coast Highway when he was pulled over by Officer Mee, he wasn't wearing the mask he wears every day when he leaves for the movie set. Just like almost anyone whos been to Mexico will tell you, tequila is a dangerous dangerous substance. If you don't believe me, ask anyone who was in that little bar in Rosarita when I found myself dancing with Kevin H. That last shot was a bad bad idea. Oy.

What I cannot force myself to understand is how accepting the Jewish community has been to this situation. Why we didn't just close the book on him after the Passion of the Christ I do not know. When I heard that an LA Rabbi invited him to speak at their Yom Kippur services I freaked out. In the JTA article It’s not about the publicity, insist Jewish groups inviting Mel Gibson the Rabbi in question David Baron said “In our faith, we are commanded to forgive when the offending party takes the necessary steps and offers an apology from the heart.” No Rabbi. Thats not how it works. Apologizing is not an easy thing in Jewish law. If the offender has done teshuva (repented), and is sincere in his or her repentance then we can forgive them. But we should only forgive him if he meant what he said. The type of forgiveness Rabbi Baron is offering is slicha. This is a more emotional forgiveness. It is given when you feel that the other person is only human and therefore deserving of sympathy. I'm sorry, and it might be wrong to say, but I don't think Mel is deserving of our sympathy. I'm not going to be sympathetic to a murderer because they had a tough upbringing and I sure as hell won't be sympathetic towards Mel because he is an alcoholic and has such a hard life. How many millions did he make for his last film?

The good news (and of course something good always comes out of this sort of thing) is that some other Jewish groups are using this as a starting point for a much more important discussion. NJOP asks the question Should Mel Gibson Be Forgiven? The group has created a blog of sorts entitled Project Forgiveness for people to discuss the topic of forgiveness and even post (anonymously if they prefer) things that they would like to apologize for. I'm interested to see how quickly this site takes off as we are leading up to the Days of Awe.

And then of course we have the humor in the situation. Thank God we have guys like Jon Stewart who can take the edge off. In his segment which one poster titled Mel-o-Drama he humorously discusses Mel. Being a Jew himself, Stewart was probably offended by the remarks but chose to make light of them to help us keep our sanity.

There was also this shirt I saw on eBay today:
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

But my favorite point of all was made by no other than Natalie Maines, the famous Bush basher. The Dixie Chicks, which I'm sure you all know from reading my past blogs, got themselves into a great deal of trouble for being critical of the President and making the simple statement that they are ashamed the President is from Texas. Their whole world practically imploded after that night. At the Dixie Chicks concert last week after dedicating their song White Trash Wedding to Mel "not a bigot" Gibson and pointing out that he used alchohol as his primary defense, Natalie told the sold out crowd, "All our controversies would have been over if I checked myself into rehab and said that I was drunk and didn't know what I was saying." The Dixie Chicks made one statement 3 years ago about the President and their careers are still suffering because of it. Are we going to allow Mel to get off any easier? I hope the hell not.

"To Err Is Human, To Forgive Divine." I'm sorry, but I'm just not ready to forgive him just yet. If he can prove to us that his apology really is truthful, then, and only then can we move on. Maybe twenty years from now I'll finally rent his new movie Apocalypto. That is, if Just One of the Guys is all checked out. Best cheesy 80s movie ever! Rent it! Peace!

Monday, August 07, 2006

Well in the meantime...heres an anecdote

Tamar, my protege at the National Jewish Outreach Program, often asks me for advice when making calls to various locations to see if they want to run our Jewish education programs. She dialed a phone number and quickly asked, "What's Jewish Family Service?" I was like, "dude, I think like they help abused children and stuff". So she said, "so what, maybe the kids want to learn Hebrew". She thought about it for a sec and hung up the phone. I agree, Hebrew is probably the last thing on their minds.

I'm sorry

I need to apologize to all my loyal fans, um, i mean readers, since I've been toying with a draft of a Mel Gibson post all week and just haven't yet finished. Please be patient. As more gossip comes out about the freak anti-semite, the blog just gets better and better. I love you all!

Monday, July 31, 2006

Hot or cold?

Its one of those unanswerable questions that can land you in the looney bin if you ponder it too long. Being a kid who grew up on sunny Huntington Beach, CA, which has a yearly median temperature somewhere around 74 degrees, I never had to think about it. That was until my family began to make our (at least) biyearly pilgrimages to Sin City, Las Vegas, NV. You go in June and you will encounter temps of 110+ degrees. This is hot but Las Vegans counter that its "Dry Heat" so its not so bad. Basically its fricken hotter than hell, but you don't feel like you are swimming down the street like I've been doing the past couple weeks in NYC. Hot with no humidity= Dry heat. You decide that there is nothing worse in life than being hot and would do anything for it to be freezing instead.

That is, until you visit Las Vegas in January. You're going to the desert. Deserts generally are known for their extreme temperatures. I always figured extreme temperatures meant really hot. Little did I know that it really means that while its 100+ degrees in the summer, their winters are bitter cold. You could be outdoors on a January evening wearing your windbreaker, cause hell, you're in the desert afterall and who brings a heavy coat to the desert, and you're freezing your ass off in 40 degree weather. 40 degrees isn't cold you're saying. It is when you only packed SHORTS! Its nights like this that you are praying for the beautiful warmth of the "dry heat"

Basically when you are cold you wish it were hot and vice versa. I was thinking about this this evening as I ran my cold shower. I know what you're thinking. Sicko. Cold showers generally have, um, kind of, inappropriate connotations. Like in the movies when a guy is feeling, um, overly frisky, someone will tell him to take a cold shower. Now I remember coming home on some of the bitter cold days in the winter and jumping in a piping hot shower to unfreeze my poor frostbitten toes and thinking, man, there is nothing better than a hot shower on a cold day. That was until I got home tonight dripping sweat, and admittedly, smelling to high heaven, and I couldn't even think straight until I jumped into a cold shower. This was cold to the point of actually hurting. It was delightful. I didn't want to get out. But then I got the idea to write this blog and it forced me to exit. My toes are still a little bit pruny. Anyway, hope y'all are dealing okay with the heat. Its unbearable I know, but lets all power through it! Peace!