Monday, December 31, 2007

2007- Comes and Goes

As I sit here listening to All the Things That I've Done by the Killers as I write my end of year blog post I think the Killers' lyrics sum up 2007 pretty well.

Another head aches, another heart breaks
I am so much older than I can take
And my affection, well it comes and goes
I need direction to perfection, no no no no

Thats 2007 in a nutshell for me.

2007 was the year I discovered Spring Awakening, Veronica Mars and How I Met Your Mother, three things that make me extremely happy. Give me any one of those things (and a scotch and soda) and I'm a happy camper. I'm so easy to please. I became a registered Marriage Officiant (just like Barney Stinson, seen in the photo above) and have so far stopped three Orthodox couples from living in sin (in the eyes of the Federal Government, they were already halachically wed at the time of the civil ceremony). My bro Alan just became engaged to an awesome girl. But I think they're going to go the more traditional route and have her Rabbi cousin oversee the nuptials. Oh well, their loss. I am hysterical in my ridiculous clergymember role. Anyhoo, things are looking up on the Susanne front.

Whether you are in New York, California, Colorado, Israel or Thailand, I hope you all have a Happy, Healthy, Safe and Legen-Wait for It-Dary New Year! Love ya!

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Unsafe Sex leads to baby?!! Noooooo.....

I am pissed off at Jamie Lynn Spears. How dare she make Britney, the fodder of all my best jokes, look like the responsible sibling? Shame on you. Skank.

Jamie Lynn Spears, Britney's 16-year-old sister and star of the hit Nickelodeon TV show "Zoey 101" is pregnant.

JL was quoted by OK! Magazine saying "It was a shock for both of us, so unexpected. I was in complete and total shock and so was he."

In my current obsession Spring Awakening (and sorry for the spoiler kids) the main female character becomes pregnant. This was after she directly asked her mother where babies came from and her mother was too embarrassed to share with her the birds and the bees. All Wendla's mother told her was that to conceive you must be married and really love your husband. And then, voila, the baby comes. So when Wendla unknowingly conceives she tells her mom, but I'm not even married. Like Jamie Lynn, Wendla was also in shock. But seriously, did JL really not hear the news that sex leads to baby? Did mom Lynne Spears really not share with her daughter this crucial information? Better question, why hasn't Jamie Lynn seen Juno yet? Teenagers are no longer in the dark. This isn't 1890's Germany where Wendla was raised. If you get pregnant as a teenager nowadays, you don't have the right to be "in complete and total shock". Get a grip JL. You should have used a condom.

At least her sister Britney knew how to play the game. She swore to her legions of loyal pre-teen fans that she was a virgin at 16 because at least then she realized how impressionable these kids were. Or how lucrative her association with Disney was. Whichever. And this was while her boyfriend Justin Timberlake was beginning to tell a very different story. Of course everything since has gone downhill for trainwreck Britney. But at least back then, she knew what it meant to be a moral leader to pre-pubescents. I can't believe I'm saying this, but props to Britney. Next time make sure your kid sister is listening.

I'm taking bets for how quickly Jamie Lynn's hit Nickelodeon TV show will be off the air. They have already completed taping an entire additional season. Will it ever be aired? When will parents start picketing at Nickelodeon headquarters? Will there be room for them to picket alongside all the Writers Guild members? I give it one month.

Thanks to the Rabbi I share my corner office with this Newsweek article from October 2nd of this year was brought to me attention. It opens with: Jamie Lynn Spears wants to be known as a great actress—no drama, antics or tabloids involved. It then notes the trials of other tween celebrities like Miley Cyrus of "Hannah Montana" whom pregnancy rumors swirled around days earlier. They then do a Q & A about what its like to be a typical high school kid. They asked her specifically about Miley's "pregnancy scare" rumors and how the tabloids affect young celebs and she said "I stay out of that because I'm always at home; I don't go anywhere or do anything." Who knew? Immaculate Conception. Excelllent.

Jamie Lynn Speaks Out!!! 12/26/08

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Props to John

For those of you who read my initial post about my Presidential candidate favorites last April you would know that of all the Republicans in this great nation, the only one I would ever think of voting for is Senator John McCain. Yesterday he picked up major endorsements from the major newspapers in Iowa and New Hampshire as well as the coolest Orthodox Jew in national politics, Senator Joe Lieberman. If Lieberman's support can push all the undecideds in McCain's direction he might have a fighting chance or else one of the other Republican imbeciles will score the candidacy. This could shape up to be an interesting race after all. Not that any of them can beat my girl Hill. My dream tickets for the 2008 election are as follows. Drumroll please....
For the Dems: Hillary and Bill Richardson. For the GOP: McCain and Joe Lieberman. This country has been going downhill for the last 7 years. Hopefully some of these peeps can get us back on track. Peace.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Its a Chanukah Miracle...

Nicole Richie chilling with some bochurim in LA. Thank goodness theres a picture on TMZ, otherwise I wouldn't have believed it.

Wednesday, December 05, 2007

Stay Wet!

AKA Have a shot of your favorite liquor. Happy Repeal Day! December 5th, 1933 marked the end of the Prohibition. And in honor of that I want booze. Badly. But it will have to wait until work is over. Which leads me to another embarrassing Susanne story. Here goes:

Tonight I am going to a Chanukah party at my buddies' Ariela and Devorah's apartment. So I IMed Devorah to ask, "SusQHB: Will there be booze?". "Devorah: My boss is at my desk. What type of question is that?!" Whoops. Sorry Devorah!

Happy Chanukah

Happy Chanukah to all my Jewish Peeps! To all my non-Jewish friends, Happy Wednesday!

This holiday season was chock full of miracles back in the day. I think we should all capitalize on the good vibes this time of year and take advantage of them. Do some good deeds. Volunteer for some charity. Donate a box of old clothes. And most importantly, tell your family and friends that you love them and think about them. Spread the good cheer to everyone around you.

Happy Holidays!


See this movie...

Juno was released TODAY in New York and Los Angeles. Go see this movie. Today if you can. If you're like me, you think teenage pregnancy is hysterical, but with the hysterical Ellen Page as the soon to be mother, Michael Cera (the tall blond dork in SuperBad, and I should add, a guest role on Veronica Mars) as the dad, and the incredibly versatile Jennifer Garner (I know, who knew) and Jason Bateman as the potential adoptive parents, you'll be rolling in the aisles. Seriously. LOVED this! Go see it.

***DISCLAIMER*** Before you picket my blog, keep in mind, I do not find teenage pregnancy funny in any way. Sometimes I can be a bit sarcastic. Sorry for that. This movie on the other hand, very funny. Go see it. Click here to buy tickets.