Wednesday, April 26, 2006

My Subway Fight

***Once again dedicated to my only reader, Zehava. If you read my blog and your name is not Zehava, leave a damn comment. A comment that is not about Viagra. I get enough of those already***

Current mood: annoyed
I got in a fist fight on the subway. Okay, maybe not a fist fight per say, but I did get into a loud argument with some bitch on the A train. I have a loud voice. I don't know if I'm hard of hearing or if its because I spend my days on the phone with old people who I need to yell into the receiver for them to hear, but I'm loud, I admit it. Yesterday I ran into my friend Estie on the A train platform at 59th street so we were chatting. When the train came it was standing room only so we held onto the bars are the train barrelled along. I know some of you have never been on the subway, so I'll fill you in, they are loud machines. We were standing about 2 feet apart so we wouldn't a) bump heads when the train bounced around, and b) so it wouldn't look like we were involved in a romantic conversation. We were just chatting about how Passover was and other stuff. Then this Bitch with short red hair is waving to get my attention from about 15 feet away. I figured maybe I dropped something so I was like, Hi. She starts motioning for me to lower my voice and shhhhing me. Are you f-ing kidding me?? We are on the subway! Every morning I'm on the train with this dude that screams all this stuff about Jesus and the New Testament. In English and then Again in Spanish! Telling me I'm going to hell because I haven't accepted Jesus as my savior. Do I hush him? Hell no. I let some 6'10" black dude do it for me. Would she hush him? Probably and then she'd get her ass kicked. She was like, turn your headphones off or something. I was like, they are turned off, I'm talking to a friend. Then she tried to lecture me about how rude I'm being. I'm like me? Rude? I'm not the stranger on the train (who is sitting while we are standing btw) who interupted a private conversation to satify herself. And it wasn't even like we were standing on top of her, she was like I said 15 feet away, she had to raise her voice to talk to me. I was like whatever and ignored her. I tried to lower my voice for the rest of our ride together but when she was getting off, she told me I was Fucking Rude! I was like "excuse me?! What if I had a hearing problem or something? You'd be pretty embarrased huh? And as for rude? Who just shouted the F word on a crowded subway train? Go Screw Yourself!" And she got off. I win. Next time I'm gonna punch her in the face!

Friday, April 21, 2006

10 Hours of CNN

You ever watch 10 straight hours of CNN? Well I did and it sucks! Quick segue to explain myself. I'm a fairly observant Jew. For most people Passover means they eat matzah for a day or two and have a Seder where they recount the story of the Exodus. For religious people like myself, we celebrate this week long holiday by strictly avoiding most food and drink. In addition, the first and last two days of the week are extra holy. For instance, I prayed three times a day, didn't drive in a car, didn't use anything electronic (i.e. my computer) and didn't watch TV. Okay, okay, I watched TV, I just didn't have control of the remote control. Here's where I rant about CNN. This year for the first time, I spent Passover solely at my parent's home in Huntington Beach. My parents are not as religious as myself. They kept a strict diet of matzah (for the first 4 days at least, nice work guys!) but didn't adhere to the additional things like not working, driving, or watching TV. I wouldn't have watched TV, except that the big comfy leather couches and best lighting are located in the TV room. My goal was to spend the week reading the Da Vinci Code (for the second time, to prep for the movie). My mom's goal was to spend her days and nights, in addition to her daily cleaning, laundry, and bill paying (don't get me wrong, she works her ass off in the house), watching only shit I have no interest in watching. The only channels she watches are: CNN, the Weather Channel, the Home Shopping Network, QVC, and those ridiculous afternoon Judge shows. I swear, if I see another Diamonique bracelet I just might barf. I honestly think she was working with God to punish me for watching TV on the holy days. Why couldn't my Dad be around all day? All he watches is COPS and That '70s Show reruns. That I would have been able to handle. One day my Mom left CNN on when she ran to the bank. Did you know that CNN runs on a fricken loop every like 20 minutes. And it wasn't even a big news day. I must of seen the story about the Duke lacrosse scandal 100 times. Literally! The next day she left for the office and left the TV on the Weather Channel. They are even worse! They repeat their stories every 10 MINUTES! Can you believe that? So heres my question. How the HELL do these crappy cable channels get advertising monies? All they do is record 20 minutes of material and go "It's time for my 10 hour break". If anyone knows how I can apply for a job at one of these stations, please don't hesitate to let me know. I love break time. Peace out. More on my Passover and my sunburn at a later time. Shabbat Shalom!

Thursday, April 06, 2006

TiVo ME Friday Night!

Don't forget to set up your TiVo for the Tim McGraw special on Friday night. I was at that performance with maybe 200 other people and was in the front row, so hopefully I'll be pretty visible. I'm the one screaming along to all his songs and making comments about his butt. You hear a butt comment, thats me. Also, during the song "Back When" (one of the last songs), there just might be a shot of me and two other chicks singing along. I have the big cowboy hat on. And I'm the one who actually knew the words. So go me! You can view a video I took of the concert below. Its a cheap camera so no sound, but you get the point. Enjoy!

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Wednesday, April 05, 2006

You kidding me?

This is ridiculous, its fricken April and SNOW is coming down in fricken buckets outside. My corner office has windows everywhere and its like staring at the computer screen on the Matrix. Making me nauseus. Well, thank goodness, less then a week from now I'll be sitting on the beach in Cali burning my sensitive Northeastern skin. Coming home for Passover. Come visit. I'll give you matzah!

Monday, April 03, 2006

Leprecauns? In Alabama?

I don't usually find myself reading the Arts section of the Times (usually I use it as a placemat), but today I came across a doozy of a story.