Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Turf Sucks!

First off a shout out to JZ, ES's BF. Go Yankees! Win some games!

Alright. So last night I had a 6 pm softball game at City College/137th street (read: Upper Harlem). For those of you not anywhere on the east coast, we had some massive downpours the last couple days. I assumed our game would be cancelled but the league commissioner said that this field is astroturf so rain won't make it muddy. Course it won't....but it doesn't mean it didn't leave puddles all over the place. Wet turf is kinda like wet carpet, spongy and smells a little funny. It also means its verrryy slippery. This made for an interesting game. I, of course, was once again stellar! Game was scheduled to start at 6 pm. We finally began a few minutes after. Problem was two-fold. The next game on this field was scheduled for 7 pm leaving us less than 60 minutes of play time. And our umpire was a prick. He held the league softball rules closer than the Bible. When YR made a fabulous catch at first base, he called the batter stay safe at first because YR was fielding with a first baseman's mitt. Such crap. No warning, just a penalty. If a sport's umpire or referee doesn't check equipment before a game he should give a warning before screwing us over. So he made us have a super quick one hour softball game which is so unfair since we pay mucho money to play in the stupid league. Meanwhile across the way at the other field their umpire didn't call an end to their game after an hour. Like I said, this dude went by the book. It took me an hour to get to this field and there was no way in hell I was only playing for an hour. So I scoped out the next team playing on our field. They seemed to be missing a few players so I volunteered my exceptional skills and they happily let me join their game. It was a really nice group. One dude's name was Hung and another was Andres. Very different than my team which is all Yosefs and Noahs. We played a team called Rothstein Kass. I took bets that they were an accounting firm. I was right. Their girls sooo gave it away. I can spot an accountant from miles away. I like them. They itemize my bills for me. All in all I was fantastic. I was 5 for 6 hitting. Which added to my 3 for 4 last game gives me a .800 batting average!!! For those of you who don't know...that's really good. Hell a .300 average is really good! Its not that crazy when you think about it. This is slow pitch lob softball. If you aren't swinging for the fences you will get a hit everytime. Just need to dink it in there and never never hit a pop fly. Those are cursed in this league. Game highlights: 1) fighting with the umpire over the rules. 2) My homerun that turned into a double when I slipped going around first and fell on my face on this retarded field when the base decided to slide out of place as a made my turn. 3) My first stretch at first base when the base once again dislodged and I practically did the splits. It hurt. 4) The black Softball Rule Nazi umpire asking Yeshivish/Machmir definitely not Liberal, plays in a skirt and stockings DH for her number after the game. She says he wants her to play for his team. Um, yeah, I don't think thats what he has on his mind. 1830, you played good, but not that good. He thinks you're hot. He wants you. Peace.

1 comment:

JZ said...

Not only do I get a shout out but you profess your love and admiration for my profession. You doth rocketh.