Tuesday, May 09, 2006

I hate skirts

I hate skirts. This isn't a religious statement. Its a fashion statement. All clothing in my opinion should have pockets. You'll never see a pair of men's slacks without pockets. But many skirts, in particular, dressier skirts, never have pockets. Not to delve into modern day sexism or anything but I'm sure that it has something to do with the fact that men are supposed to carry around the money and therefore need pockets. But my uber-feminist ideas are not what I am trying to point out here. What I would like to do is complain that yesterday my skirt had no pockets.

So yesterday I had a totally packed day. In the morning there was a fistfight on my subway so the train waited in the station for like 20 minutes. They were paging the police to respond. This was the 59th street station. For those of you familiar, there is a NYPD substation in the upper level of this subway stop. After paging for 5 plus minutes two chubby bald cops came tottering down the stairs. It was like watching a cop satire unfolding in front of me. I felt like they should have been eating doughnuts and drinking coffee. Thank goodness is was just an argument and no one was lying down bleeding on the platform. The cops' response was ridiculously slow.

At lunch I had a hot lunch date (Shout out to SP) at Megabite the best pizza/anything else joint in NYC. Its on 38th and 6th ave. If you work within 20 blocks you should come here for lunch everyday!

At 6 pm I left for my softball practice in Central Park. Our coach/dude who sends out emails AD got us a choice field right off of the west side. For those of you who do not know, I now have long hair. I've never had long hair in my life so I am still trying to get used to it. So as I was trying to shag some popflys my hair was alllll over the place. I couldn't see crap! Luckily my friend JP let me borrow his hat so I wouldn't embarrass myself further with missed catches blamed on my hair. That doesn't reflect well on women using an excuse like that. After practice AD gave JS and I a ride back to the Heights which was great because I would have 20 minutes or so to eat some food before running to basketball. Okay, okay, I didn't hurry home to eat but to set my TiVo to tape the final episode of 7th Heaven. Shhh, I didn't watch how it ends yet. Hopefully not like Six Feet Under and its creeping death scene endings. Or Roseanne and her whole, it was just a dream sequence ending. Annoying much! Then I helped my roommate shlep our recylables to the basement where we encountered our neighbor/broker NS and his wife and daughter doing their laundry. We chatted for a little bit and then a ran to basketball.

Just a reminder, I hate skirts. I was jogging to Mt. Sinai where we play basketball on Monday nights. I shoved my keys and cell phone in the loose pocket of my zip sweatshirt. We have been having trouble getting a minyan for basketball the past month or so. Only about 3 of 4 chicks show and we give up and go home. So I knew if I didn't come, even though I was tired, hungry, and sore, I would feel bad if they were one short from being able to play a real game. So I was sprinting (yes I can sprint, I'm pretty fast too!) down 187th street and nearing the corner of Bennett. All of a sudden, as if in slow motion, my beloved cell phone flew from my stupid sweatshirt pocket and skidded down the street. It was like out of a war film. I screamed NNNnOOOooooo!!! It came to stop teetering over the edge of the curb and then fell to its death in the sewer below. I sat on the curb in front of my synagogue quietly weeping, mourning the death of my friend. Actually thinking more in terms of, I am such a bonehead. Now everytime I walk to shul I'm going to think, I am such a moron, I dropped my phone down the sewer. There goes all my kavanna. Then my buddy/expert chef LZ came by on her way to bball. She wanted to know why I was lying down in the street. I told her and we tried to see it but could not. The battery had fallen out so calling it did not cause it to light up. We considered all the options. I asked to borrow LZ's cell so I could let my mom know what happened. As she was handing it over she saw I was sitting on top of the sewer grate and for some reason became reluctant to hand it over. Wonder why? Anyway, LZ ran to ZK and TI's apt to grab a flashlight. We shined the flashlight into the sewer and saw it about 5 feet down covered in slime and a rat was trying to dial his cousin Rizzo the Rat from the hit movie Muppets Take Manahattan (shout out to Nili). After a couple other failed attempts to find emergency recovery tools (including LZ's attempt at flirting with a firefighter AND the shul super) we gave up and went home. I'm leaving now to visit the dingbats at Verizon to get a new phone. I'm happy to help the rat reconnect with his long lost relatives. I hear Tatooey the Rat and Yolanda Rat are also in town.

Moral of the story, skirts suck. If I had a pocket this never would have happened. If you would like me to have your phone number please shoot me an email with your info so I can put it in my new phone. If you don't know my email check the guide. Thanks to those of you that offered to call Brad Pitt for me to cancel our lunch date. I can't believe that two timer is prancing around Africa with that tramp Angelina. Humph! Peace!

It is now 3:30 pm on Monday and I wanted to add an addendum to the post about my phone. I will be sitting shiva tonight for my phone at the sewer grate next to the YU van stop at 187th and Bennett Ave directly across from Mt. Sinai. On a more serious note, I went to Verizon today to get my new phone. I was informed that I am still a couple months shy of my phone upgrade and since I don't have insurance (because insurance is for suckers!) I was stuck spending $200 to get the same damn phone thats sitting at the bottom of the sewer. Being a penny pincher that doesn't make any money, I started tearing up in Verizon. Like seriously I was about to start bawling. At first I was all optimistic that I'd get a better phone and the only thing lost would be the numbers, which since my friends are totally awesome, I already got emails with lists of peoples numbers. Now I'm 200 bucks down the sewer drain that could have gone toward my next iPod. I am sad now. But they said that if I find a compatible Verizon phone and I bring it in I can return this phone and get a complete refund. Thank goodness. I can pay rent for another month. Phew! If you or anyone you know has seen a phone such as the one described please inform the local authorities. Or just give it to me so I can get my 200 bucks back. Thanks!


ZK from the Story said...


As someone who has dropped my phone battery down a subway grate, I feel for ya girl. It will all be ok, though. And it will be a good story and it has helped the resurgence of your blog and you know that is worth something.
Better luck next time,

weaselrina said...

You should tell everyone that you threw your cellphone down the sewer while having a fight with Donald Trump. People will be very impressed.

Lans said...

i have old phones you can borrow untill your upgrade...

Drew_Kaplan said...

that's so sad about your phone

pinklady24_13 said...

can i just say that i have just dropped my lg pink chocolate phone down the drain....DOWN THE DRAIN!!!
200 pounds down the drain and i cant even see it coz theres so much crap down there(not literal crap,but you no wat i mean) i loved that phone more than my fella !!!

prh said...

Hi Suzanne

I commiserate about your phone. But I disagree about skirts. I'm not into any old fashioned attitudes about women and it should go without saying that they should always wear what they like. But the truth is, the vast majority of women look so much much better in a skirt than trousers. Sometimes sexier, sometimes more elegant, sometimes just better/smarter. It doesnt have to be short or tight, but skirts need some praise.. Love xx Patrick from London