Monday, July 03, 2006


I love Google. I must run searches 20 or 30 times a day. But nothing is more fun to search than yours truly. I know you do it too so I'm not embarrassed to own up to it. What I am embarrassed to own up to is how many hits I have. And I know what you're thinking, surely not all of the hits are really you. But they are. All 672 of them. Try it now. Go to Google and search "Susanne Goldstone". Each and every result is me. Okay, I'll admit, at least 500 of them are posts that I've made on But each and every one of those people deserved a Mazel Tov gosh darn it! My name at first glance doesn't seem unique. But few people spell Susanne with an Sus. They prefer the more common Suz spelling. And Goldstone is much less common than Goldstein. If you Google Suzanne Goldstein you would find 1,100 hits, each seems to be a totally different individual. I used to hate that my name was different. Whenever we were on vacation there was never a cute key chain with Susanne on it. Only Suzanne, Susan, and Susie. I always had to settle with one of those choices.

Funny story about the name Susie. I was kind of a trouble child. Got kicked out of the Hebrew Academy Lubavitch in Westminster at age 4. Something about not wanting to recite the Aleph Bet. They used to make me rake leaves as punishment. At age 4! Don't worry avid readers, that evil principal was later fired. I transferred to my local public school the following year for kindergarten. I was an Eader Beaver! That mascot was later changed for obvious reasons not understood by the average 5 year old. If you haven't figured it out, say Eader Beaver 10 times fast. Yup, not very child friendly. Anyhoo, back to Susie. There is a kind of untold requirement for passing kindergarten which requires the kid to be able to spell their name. I wasn't the most intelligent child back then (for proof stop by my apartment for a viewing of my 3rd and 4th birthday parties, oy, I was such a dork). But I did have street smarts. I had a LOT of trouble learning to write. I was totally unable to write the letter N. Sucks when my first name has to Ns in it. So little Susanne at the age of 4 had a brilliant idea. I decided to change my name. I came in one day and decided to have a meeting with Mrs. Broccolo. Mrs. Broccolo was the greatest teacher ever, I liked her so much I was held back in kindergarten an extra year! :) Okay, that and I was an idiot. So anyway, I walked in one day and told my teacher that my parents had decided to change my name to Susie. I figured if it were Susie I would avoid ever having to learn how to write the letter N. She believed me I guess because she called my mom that afternoon. The conversation went like this:

Mrs. B: "Um, Mrs. Goldstone, this is Mrs. Broccolo."

Mom: "What did she do this time?!"

Mrs. B: "Oh, no, nothing like that. Your daughter informed us today that you and Dr. Goldstone changed her name to Susie"


Mom: "What did she tell you??"

Mrs. B: "That you've changed her name to Susie, I'm just calling to ask you to send the legal documents concerning her name change so we can update her file"


Mom: "Do you really think we'd change her name?! That idiot kid just doesn't know how to write Ns. My 4 year old just duped you!"

I was sent to our principal Mr. Conniff's office where I proceeded to kick him in the groin. Or so my mom claims. I don't know logistically how a 3 foot, 4 year old could kick a standing adult male in the groin. I must have been a little kung fu fighter. He then attempted to throw me out of school. It didn't work. He left Eader that year and was never an elementary school principal again. I wonder if I had anything to do with that?

The next year was exactly the same. I had Mrs. Broccolo again. We still raised live chicks in our classroom. The only difference was that the school had a new principal Mrs. Yonts, and Eader changed its mascot to the Eagle. Eader Beavers was no more.


Rajay said...

LIAR!!! You were in Mrs. Davis's class with me! I totally remember. There were two "Susies" -- you and Suzanne (sp?) Elliot. Ask James Morris. He was there! IIRC, Mrs. Broccolo taught in Room 2 and Mrs. Davis was in Room 1.

And if you were held back, how come you were EHS class of '98? Did you skip a grade somewhere? And the whole groin kicking thing to Mr. I had no idea such stuff was going on behind the scenes.

I actually remember way more than I should of Kindergarten. It freaks me out sometimes. Oh, and I recently discovered the saying-Eader-Beaver-fast thing. Oh, the revelations!!!

Arona said...

Ok don't even talk to me about having a unique name. My name is nowhere at all. No keychains or mugs or anything. Not even a differently spelled one. There might have been an Erin but that was the closest. Forget using my middle name - Michal - most ppl in the world can't even pronounce that one. And in 2nd grade, my teacher told me my name was wrong - it should be AHArona - not just Arona - and she told me to go home and check with my mom. Also, my name means closet. Yeah.