My dad had his office holiday party Sunday. Every year his employees collect money to buy him a Chanukah gift. My dad happens to be one of the nicer bosses in the world so the gifts are generally quite nice. This year when my dad opened his gift, my mom appropriately exclaimed, "Oh my God, Susanne is going to shit bricks". Funnily enough, I don't think I've ever heard my mom use that phrase.
For those of you that do not know, my brother bought my mom and dad a few years ago a tiny little purebread maltese puppy whom they named Snoopy (seen above looking all innocent). Snoopy HATES me. Although we've only met a couple times, Snoopy obviously sensed the sibling rivalry that my being there brought on. And he was pissed. When I was home last year for Pesach he figured out which room I was sleeping in (I don't know how, he must have had spies) and stationed himself outside my door barking and scratching in the middle of the night. He probably thought that when I left a week later he earned a victory after causing me severe insomnia for several nights straight. My parents of course are blinded by this harrassment and are insulted when I speak affectionately of my brother Alan's maltese Giovanni (who happens to be the best dog in the entire world) instead of their Snoopy. Besides, I'm not the only casualty of his harassment. Our cat Bailey is terrorized by Snoopy even though hes 5 times Snoopy's size.
So by now you're wondering what the present was that my dad got. So here goes: They got him a gift certificate to have his portrait painted with Snoopy. Hell, I was never in any family portraits excluding formal cruise pictures and from Bar/Bat Mitzvahs. I asked my mom why we couldn't use this gift for the whole family to have a portrait made but she claims this artist's specialty is dogs. Nebbach, even Bailey is going to get screwed out of this one. At least Giovanni will be included. Hey, who could leave the world's most lovable dog out of their picture?
Like any other empty nesters, my parents spoiled this little puppy like there was no tomorrow. Toys, outfits, you name it. My dad brings him along when he accompanies my mom to Costco where he sits outside people watching. My dad says Snoopy's a "chick magnet". Maybe I'm just jealous that I'm the baby of the family and I'm not used to them doting over someone who isn't me. Well, unless you count forgetting my birthday one year so we could go to one of Alan's football games, or the time I injured myself but dad wouldn't take me to the hospital because we'd miss another of Alan's games (that one left a scar, I'll show you sometime). Anyway, what really matters is that this little 5 pound dog makes my mom and dad really happy. In fact all vacation my dad commented how much he missed Snoopy (lets all forget he was spending two weeks with his only daughter that he never gets to see). And what makes them happy makes me happy. In fact, I even got Snoopy a Chanukah gift. Is that something a woman scorned would do? I think not. I love you guys and your little dog too! Happy Chanukah!
