Sunday, December 25, 2005

Butt Rash

So as promised, heres my story of my ER visit. People might ask me, aren't you embarrassed to tell this story, and I say no, hell, its not like anyone actually reads my blog. So my eye doctor brother thinks he is a real doctor. In California optometrists have earned themselves the right to write prescriptions for things other than eye drops. Everywhere else in the world they still are unable. For good reason. Last week I developed an eye infection. I told me dad about it (hes also an eye doc) and he said talk to Alan, he knows more about medicines than I. Reason being, up until a few years ago they weren't able to give meds. Now that they can my brother tries to write prescriptions for things with obviously nothing to do with the eye. Like cough syrup with codeine. A Level 1 narcotic. Thank goodness the pharmacist was like, um, you're an eye doctor, you don't get to prescribe this stuff...especially for yourself. So after thinking long and hard about my situation, my bro wrote me an Rx for some sort of Amoxicillin product. It wasn't til two days later that I developed the rash..... on my butt! Realizing that the medicine caused the rash kinda freaked me out and I decided to go to my doctor in the beginning of the week. But no such luck, there was a transit strike. So I decided to do the next best thing. Tuesday morning I called in sick to work, not like it was humanly possible to sick on my butt rash for 8 straight hours in front of a desk. I walked down to Columbia Pres Hospital and stepped up to the triage nurse and got ready to tell her my problem when a line of people developed out of nowhere to listen in on my ailment.
Me: "So I think I am having a negative reaction to an antibiotic that I am taking."
Triage Nurse: "What kind of reaction?
Me: "Well, I kinda developed a rash."
TN: "Where exactly is this rash?"
Me: (Turning to see exactly how many people are listening in) "Um, its kinda in my butt region area place."
TN: "Ohhh, um, well, fill this out and take a seat"
So I sat in the ER waiting while text messaging (since you can't use your cell phone, um visibly, in the ER) Destiny a nurse in the hospital who informed me I had a good 4 hour wait til I'd be treated. Good thing Destiny is a liar and they called my name after only an hour and a half. They put me in a room with a robe (gasp! Not the drafty hospital robe!) and told me to put it on. I sat in my little (drafty) holding cell waiting for my doctor just imagining all the doctors standing outside my door drawing straws to see which one would have to give me a rectal exam. I watch way too many hospital shows. Thank goodness it didn't come to that. Not saying nothing invasive took place but I did Thank God there was minimal minimal tushy touching. After an hour of fighting with my doctor, assuring her I wasn't pregnant, she let me pee in a cup and gave me a pill that got rid of the damn rash. Moral of the story is, don't let your eye doctor give you anything but drops. Okay, maybe that just goes for me. My tushy is too damn sensitive. Alan, I love you to death, but this rash did knock you down a few points in my book. You suck!

3 comments:

Vicodin said...
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Laura said...

A random outsider read your blog post and laughed. Thanks for the fun.