Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Where awkwardness reigns supreme

Nope. I know what you're thinking I was going to say. I always thought the most supremely awkward experiences take place on singles Shabbatons. But no. Its when you are left alone in a room with the cable guy. And you are half naked. I had an appointment tonight for a cable man to come and replace my modem thats been broken since Friday. 5 torturous days without internet in my apartment. It was horrible.

So I was in my lounging clothes when the cable guy arrived. I switch into this set of clothes (usually soccer shorts and a tank top) the second I get home from work. I get my impulsive disrobing urge from my dad who will be in his underwear and asleep on the couch within 2 minutes of walking through the front door and my eldest brother who happens to be loaded yet I've never found him in his house wearing anything but a 10 year old pair of shorts and an old ripped t-shirt. We Goldstones LOVE our lounging clothes. So when he arrived I was wearing a little pair of pink shorts and a grey tank, but quickly threw on a black sweater so I'd be at least a little more modestly dressed for the strange man here to install my modem. I did not know what to talk to the dude about. I am terrible at small talk. Some cable device was in his bag making funny sounds so I must have said like 5 times "hey, that sounds like Pac-Man, you know Pac-Man? Ever play it? Thats what your bag sounds like. Pac-Man". Oy. Nebbach right? So we were in my bedroom where my computer and modem are set up and it started to get hot. I don't put on the AC unless I'm sweltering. I was like, oh man, I can't take off my sweater, I'll be like half undressed in front of this strange man alone in my bedroom. But that thought just made me moe nervous and I got even warmer. Needless to say the sweater came off.

Next he found the spot where I illegally split my cable line to give the TV in my room free cable. He laughed at that. Not sure why. I thought he would have been impressed by my handiness with a pair of pliers and a trip to Radio Shack.

Next he replaced my broken modem with the new one and remarked, lights flashing, that it was fixed and I was back in business. Excited by the prospect that he would be leaving now I motioned toward the door. He said, hey lets try turning on your computer to make sure. I have the slowest computer known to man. I knew it would take a good 10 minutes to boot up. The cheaper the computer, the longer it takes, and those that know me know that I got one hell of a deal on this sucker. Cost me a couple hundred bucks. Its a piece of garbage, but boy did I save a bundle. So I started the computer and the second the desktop appeared he began to click incessantly on the Internet Explorer icon. Like 10 times. So not only did it delay the start up but now my computer was huffing and puffing its way through the opening of 10 separate Hotmail pages. I attempted conversation. Asked if this was his last call of the day. Asked if his supervisor was a decent guy. Asked about setting up wireless systems. It was horrible. Might have been the worst date-like situation I've ever experienced. And this is coming from the girl who one time forgot her date's name. That was not pleasant either.

Oh, and the icing on the cake. It wasn't until after he left that I found a feminine hygiene product on my desk where he was working. I nearly died. The end. Kill me now.

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