Subway Boycott!

Yup, I created the above image myself. I am quite Microsoft Paint savvy.

I invite you all to join me on my boycott of Subway Sandwiches. But not for the reasons you might think. Not because Quizno's is 1000 times better, and Schlotzsky's is even better than that. No, it is because Subway sandwiches did not give me the free bicycle that I totally deserved!

I'll explain: I got an IM today from my buddy Eli saying that two of her co-workers had just won bikes on the corner of 42nd Street and Sixth Ave. Subway, as part of their healthy lifestyle advertising campaign had a street team on the corner there looking for random acts of "exercise". So I jogged, no sprinted, from 36th street up to their location. I ran up to this group in bright yellow rain slickers (yup, I sprinted through the rain) and asked them what was going on. I was visibly out of breath and my pulse was going pretty good. I was informed that I didn't qualify because I approached them first as opposed to them approaching me. They were supposed to "spot" me first doing my "exercise". Meanwhile as I stood there obviously pissed they "spotted" a petite woman walk out of the HBO building and "speedwalk" into Starbucks for her caffeine fix. They gave her the fricken bike. This little woman wearing, get this, an HBO Sports shirt won the free bicycle. She looks like she participates in triathalons. I look like my favorite form of exercise is channel surfing. What the hell?! So I call on all of my readers to boycott their establishments. To hell with their fajita sub! To hell with ducks eating free at Subway (Mitch Hedberg shout out there)! To hell with Jared Fricken Fogle the dude that lost all his weight by eating a sub every day for lunch and dinner! To hell with all of it! So join my boycott! Since 90% of my readers keep strictly kosher that should be extremely easy for you (minus the Jews in Cleveland and Brooklyn with their kosher franchises). But everyone else, promise me you'll never eat at Subway again. And feel free to buy me a new bike with your tax refund this year. My favorite color is red. Thank you.