D Train

Sorry to everyone who has bitched that I haven't been updating. A lot has been going on in my life lately and I barely find time to sleep, so blogging has been out of the question. I still hope to fill you in on my trip to Dallas over Pesach and Jury Duty, but first....

I came in a little early to work today. Tonight is opening day for my softball team the Bearcats and I need to leave early from work so I came in earlier than usual. I was fortunate enough to meet Zehavs for the first leg of my journey. Knowing that I dig her taste in music she gave me a listen to the Fine Frenzy, a group I totally plan to download when I get home tonight. We parted ways at 59th street and I got onto the D Train alone. I'm standing in the middle of the car for two stops. As the doors closed at Rockefeller Center a guy caught me eye. He's sitting there in a fricken facemask and gloves and was carrying a backpack which I noticed had big heavy duty locks on it. And not to rationalize, but he did have dark skin. And no, I'm not that racist guy or anything, but its something your brain takes into consideration when you are sitting next to a Unabomber wannabe. They say if you see something, say something. But I was like, no, I must be crazy. No one around me even notices the guy. Are New Yorkers so numb to the weirdness around them that THIS goes unnoticed? For goodness sake, its 75 degrees out today. There is no non-malicious reason to be wearing a skimask. I considered flagging down a cop at the next stop. But then I got all doubtful. What if he had some weird skin condition where he can't be exposed to light? Maybe he had some outrageous deformity? I don't know. I let him be. But not before getting off the train at the next stop. Even I'm not crazy enough to stay on with him all the way to 34th Street.

Celeb sighting #1

Can you guess which celebrity couple shared my subway car this evening? I'll give you a hint. I was standing about one degree away from them. I was desperate to talk to them, or ask for autographs, or snap a picture... But nooooooo, Reifer wouldn't allow me to. Something about me always making a scene on the subway. She lies. Believe it or not, I've never really had one of these chance encounters with celebrities that everyone in New York talks about. So this was mucho exciting for me. I could barely contain myself. I wonder if they thought I was cool. I sure hope so.

Subway Boycott!

Yup, I created the above image myself. I am quite Microsoft Paint savvy.

I invite you all to join me on my boycott of Subway Sandwiches. But not for the reasons you might think. Not because Quizno's is 1000 times better, and Schlotzsky's is even better than that. No, it is because Subway sandwiches did not give me the free bicycle that I totally deserved!

I'll explain: I got an IM today from my buddy Eli saying that two of her co-workers had just won bikes on the corner of 42nd Street and Sixth Ave. Subway, as part of their healthy lifestyle advertising campaign had a street team on the corner there looking for random acts of "exercise". So I jogged, no sprinted, from 36th street up to their location. I ran up to this group in bright yellow rain slickers (yup, I sprinted through the rain) and asked them what was going on. I was visibly out of breath and my pulse was going pretty good. I was informed that I didn't qualify because I approached them first as opposed to them approaching me. They were supposed to "spot" me first doing my "exercise". Meanwhile as I stood there obviously pissed they "spotted" a petite woman walk out of the HBO building and "speedwalk" into Starbucks for her caffeine fix. They gave her the fricken bike. This little woman wearing, get this, an HBO Sports shirt won the free bicycle. She looks like she participates in triathalons. I look like my favorite form of exercise is channel surfing. What the hell?! So I call on all of my readers to boycott their establishments. To hell with their fajita sub! To hell with ducks eating free at Subway (Mitch Hedberg shout out there)! To hell with Jared Fricken Fogle the dude that lost all his weight by eating a sub every day for lunch and dinner! To hell with all of it! So join my boycott! Since 90% of my readers keep strictly kosher that should be extremely easy for you (minus the Jews in Cleveland and Brooklyn with their kosher franchises). But everyone else, promise me you'll never eat at Subway again. And feel free to buy me a new bike with your tax refund this year. My favorite color is red. Thank you.