I just wanna apple!

I know now is not the time to be dissing our NYC street fruit vendors since they will soon disappear as they hibernate for the winter, but seriously, the dude on my corner has been so annoying. Everyday I stop by his stand and all I want is 2 bananas and an apple for my dollar. But lately he'll say "An apple? Why not try a peach. My peaches today are lovely!" But I'm like no, an apple is what I want. So needless to say, I've been trying to frequent another cart. Other cart guy that sells cut up fruit salad that I enjoy was not there today. So I went back to the dude at 36th and 6th this afternoon and he was trying to push his grapes on me. He didn't have any bananas so I asked for one red and one green apple. He said "what about my grapes? They are sweet and delicious." But just like your local drug dealer, you feel the need to feign a relationship with your vendor. You don't just scream, "I don't want your damn grapes, I want my apples!" So I said instead "Heh, heh (blush), those grapes sure do look good, but not today. Maybe tomorrow." Just so you know, I don't have a drug dealer. I learned that similiarity from Korean-American comedienne Margaret Cho. But then again the corner fruit vendor really is a drug dealer for us health minded New Yorkers. I saw this woman on Friday hug her vendor when he got in his ordered of figs that she had requested. Personally I wouldn't hug these dudes. They smell faintly of curry. My buddy Tamarzeepoo gave into his inappropriate advances today. She wasn't strong like me. When he offered her his juicy grapes, she blushed and accepted. He kept adding more and more bunches of grapes to the scale ignoring her petty cries. "No more!" she screamed "Please stop, thats enough!". I wish I were there. I would have kept my wits about me and dragged her to safety. But I could not. She left his stand 5 dollars lighter and a pound of grapes heavier. We must put a stop to this bullying. Who's with me?!